Guy Friends

Hello, blog readers.  Welcome to another post made by me.  Yeah, I know it's been a week since I last posted.  I mean, I've been writing posts in my head, but I haven't actually written on the blog.

Ooh, by the way, big announcement:  I'm spending the next month of my life moving to Indiana so I can teach history and English to elementary kids and junior highers next school year.  Woo hoo!  But that's not what I'm going to officially post about today.  No, today, I want to post about some very cool people in my life, and why I believe they're so important.  I'm talking about my guy friends.

Honestly, I don't know how to properly explain how awesome it is to have guy friends like mine.  I refer to my closest guy friends as "adopted brothers," and they are some of the most awesome people on planet earth.  I mean, not only did one of them and I recently have an awesome moment like this on Facebook:

Hehe...yeah, I'm a little in love with my fandoms...Although he's not entirely accurate.  I will merely have to educate any uneducated man on the above topics.

But my guy friends during college did so much to push me towards God and become more Christlike.  My guy friends have made me laugh and have prayed about things that have upset me to tears.  They have actually seen these tears themselves at times.

"Wait, you let guys who aren't your boyfriend or brothers see you cry?"

Why should I hide it?  I am not an impervious to emotions, and the guys who saw me cry were like brothers to me.  I mean, I hate to cry in front of anyone, really.  I hate to cry.  I mean, the first time I cried because of a movie was when Jack Sparrow got eaten by the kraken in Pirates of the Caribbean:  Dead Man's Chest.

So, yeah, basically any crying for me at all is a big deal.  And usually I wouldn't mean to cry, but I'd be saying something emotional (usually as a prayer request), and I'd get choked up, and a few tears would fall.  I don't think any of them saw my out-and-out bawling my eyes out, but they did see tears.  And that's not a bad thing.

"But then you get emotionally attached!"

Oh my word, I'm getting emotionally attached to my friends, and that's a bad thing?!?!  No joke, they're friends.  You're supposed to be emotionally attached to them!

"But they're guys, and you're a girl, and..."

And...what?  Honestly, why is there all this social pressure that the only reason guys and girls form friendships is because they like each other as more than friends?  I have been asked before if I like certain guy friends because I talk about them and tell stories about fun stuff we did at work or church.  Can no one of opposite genders be friends without questions being asked?

I mean, maybe this is just a Baptist college thing.  I mean, at Northland, all you have to do is go to the coffee shop together, and people begin to wonder if you're dating.  It's kind of ridiculous.  Fortunately, I never went to the Daily Grind with any guys unless we were working on a group project.  Anyway, that is a completely different topic.

Go ahead...grab a chair...we won't ask questions...but we'll all be thinking it...

Back to the topic of guy friends.  It's not like I ever went digging around campus looking for the perfect guy friends to add to my collection.  Just like most friendships, these things just happened.  Over time, we would get to know each other better, and I would begin to trust them more (although, never as much as I trust my friend who are girls), and I would open up more.  Sometimes, it would be just one of my guy friends and me standing around talking, and I wouldn't care what people thought.  If they asked me if anything else was there, I could easily tell them "no," because as far as I knew, there was nothing there, and I had no desire for anything deeper to develop.

"Yeah, right!"

Okay, yes, at times I did develop crushes on guy friends, but that was very rare, and we still remained friends and stuff.  And, overall, that didn't really happen because I have had a lot of guy friends during my life.  Twice, when I was little, I had guys as my best friend:

Me and Willem

Me and Carl (snipped from class picture)

Basically, I never was really guy-ophobic.  I mean, yes, I had my boy hating stage around age eight and nine.  And then there's the fact that if I'm not VERY comfortable around a group of guys, I'm not going to go do stuff with them over the girls, even if I prefer what the guys are going to do (Yes, I'm one of those girls who would rather be over there kicking a soccer ball or trying to shoot a basketball than standing around in a little circle talking with a bunch of girls about girl stuff.).  But, really, I don't think guys should be excluded from my close friendships solely on the basis of their gender.

So, as a girl who's been a lifelong friend of guys, what would my advice be to girls who have guys who are friends/who want guy friends?

Party with Friends--2008

1.  Let the friendship form naturally.  Just like any friendship, if it's going to happen, it'll happen.  If it's not meant to happen, then it won't.  Don't just pick a random guy and think, "You are my new guy friend, and we will get to know each other and become like siblings."  Quite honestly, all my friendships with guys just kind of...happened.  We happened to talk because of some mutual friends, we found some common interests, and next thing you know, I was going to get paid $1,000 if I fell on stage at graduation and managed to take out the president on the way down.
2.  Don't tell them everything you tell your girl friends.  I feel this one should be obvious, but based on the Internet, it isn't.  Girls, he doesn't always need to know the reason you're upset, unless he's the problem, in which case, you might want to discuss that with him and clear up any misunderstandings that occurred.  But, really, sometimes I would just be like, "I'm not in a good mood.  I'll be fine later."  Sometimes, my attitude would clear up in a few minutes, and I'd be my normal, laughing self again; sometimes, my mood would take a couple days to improve.  Like I've said, guys have seen me cry, but never as much as my girl friends.  I don't tell guys who I'm crushing on (Although, if they figure it out, as has happened, then so be it, as long as they don't go spreading it around.) or what I'm planning on wearing to Artist Series.  Some conversations are better left for when there's only women in the room.

Another Party--2009

3.  Respect them.  Despite everything popular culture would like to tell us, guys are no more idiots than girls are.  For every guy who's an idiot, there is an equally airhead girl somewhere.  Unfortunately, it would be sexist or something for the TV to tell us that, so popular culture instead portrays men as stupid people who need the women and children in their lives to figure everything out.  Here's a novel idea:  Let the guy lead.  If I really love my guy friends, I will listen to what they have to say.  Even if I think his plan is the stupidest one on planet earth...which actually rarely happens.  Maybe I've just got extremely smart guy friends, but the ones I call brothers, I would trust, on average, in almost any situation.
4.  Allow them to talk about things they want to talk about.  Really, if you made him put up with your latest episode of "Adventures at the Mall," you should be prepared to in return listen to him talk about Halo or the Green Bay Packers or whatever else for a while.  It's not all about you.  This goes for any friendship.  You can learn a lot by listening to someone talk about something you don't know a ton about.  Allow your world to expand.  Friendships go both ways.  Honestly, though, if they get inappropriate, be prepared to remind them there is a girl in the room (and just you remember those moments when you and your girl friends start to get a little TMI when a guy is around, okay? ;) ).

Yet Another Party--2009

5.  Feed them.  Seriously, give them food.  On average, I've found they don't always care if I made cookies myself or bought a package of Oreos at Wal-Mart.  They just want food.  And they will eat food.  Popcorn, Cheez-Its, beef jerky, frozen cookie dough, whatever--you give them food, and they will eat it.  And you will form an inexplicable deeper friendship bond simply because you gave them food.  I don't know how or why this works, but it does.
6.  Don't form the friendship simply because you have a crush on the guy.  Seriously, this is doomed to backfire and failure.  Take it from a girl who knows.  If you form a friendship with a guy, and it's solely because you're attracted to him, when you don't like him anymore or when he finds out and admits he doesn't like you, everything crumbles.
7.  Stop worrying about what people will think.  I've had to do this.  I'll be standing there, talking with one of my guy friends, and this annoying voice will whisper, "What are people thinking?"  I've had to learn to just toss this voice aside with, "Well, we know we're not dating, and if anyone asks, we can tell them that."

Work Crew--2011

8.  "The Friendzone" is not the worst thing in the world.  Girls, not every close friendship with a guy needs to lead to dating.  Hey, maybe he'll date another girl.  So what?  You and he can still be friends, and hopefully she doesn't get jealous of you.  And if he starts paying more attention to her and less attention to you, big whip.  She's his girlfriend.  What were you expecting?  Maybe I'm sounding harsh and sarcastic here, but really, when he starts dating, she's going to mean more and more to him as time goes on.  That's kind of how dating relationships go.  His guy friends probably have an empty controller at the Xbox because he's spending time with his girlfriend.
9.  But what if he and I start liking each other?  Uh...congratulations!  That is so awesome!  You and a guy started out as being just friends and you fell in love, and now you'll get to go to the coffee shop together and stare at each other longingly for six hours a day while your friends ask for weeks if you're dating yet.  And then you'll start dating, and then when you get engaged, all your friends will be like, "Finally!" because they're so sick of the eye babies you're making all the time.  And then you get all the stress of wedding planning, and you can tell everyone that it all started out by just being friends.  And I think those are some of the sweetest love stories because these two fell in love simply because they liked to hang out with each other.
10.  Have fun.  Really, just whatever it is you and your guy friend like doing together, do it.  Have your little inside jokes.  Make some crazy memories.  Celebrate birthdays.

Extension Team--2011

11.  Push each other more towards Christ.  I saved this one for last because it's the most important.  Maybe you can't share your deepest prayer requests with him, but you two can pray for each other, even as "just friends."  I've prayed for my guy friends as they've gone on mission trips, broken up with their girlfriends, lost loved ones, didn't know if they could afford to come back to school the next semester, etc.  And I know they've prayed for me too.  The guys I was closest to in college were the ones that I prayed with and for the most.  And then there are the wonderful conversations we've had about God, whether discussing theology or just being amazed at the way God works in our lives.  Even if you stink at singing, sing some of your favorite hymns or worship songs.  The best friendships you will ever form, whether with guys or girls, are the ones where you let God in on it.  He will strengthen your friendship and make you love each other in Christ even more.

Maybe you're not the type of girl who really is friends with guys, and that's okay too.  This world is made of all types of people.  But for girls like me, forming these friendships is important because guy-girl friendships are completely different from girl-girl friendships, and in a good way.  These are friendships that made me see life differently.  Believe it or not, even if I never marry one of my guy friends from college (and since many of them seem to be happily pairing off with females who are not me), I feel each of them has prepared me in some way for my future husband (Should God allow me to marry.) because each of them taught me something about guys and how to treat them (Although, trust me, I've had girls who've had to teach me stuff about guys so I didn't completely ruin my friendships with them.).  So, if you're nervous or scared about getting to know a guy more, take comfort in this:  I have no idea how to form friendships with guys either.  All I know is that after I wind up stuck with them is to throw them some food every once in a while and be myself.  And...that's how I ended up with all these guys eating my cookies and making me laugh so hysterically I could barely move.

I guess in the end, I'm the worst person to come to for advice about this because I have no idea what I'm doing.  I'm just making it up while I go along.

But, wait, isn't that how life goes most of the time anyway?

Life At the Nerd Tables, Part 1: "Why Does No One Ever Sit With Us?"

Okay, I'll admit, the question, "Why does no one ever sit with us?" was a completely rhetorical question.  And actually even the question itself was kind of a lie because people did occasionally come sit with us.  Granted, it was about the same three or four people who just didn't seem to want to/didn't have the same lunch time as us five days a week.  Besides, I knew what the answer was:

Because by my junior year of college when I asked this, I was already, basically, officially a part of the nerd group at my college--a loose affiliate of people mainly based around the techies, drama nerds, and music people, although a few of us had absolutely none of those talents and had just read a bunch of books and watched a lot of TV shows and movies.  I never ASKED to be part of the nerd group.  I didn't even notice I was part of it for a long time when it finally dawned on me that basically the only athletes I spoke with on a regular basis were the hockey players.  And even then, only about two of them.

So, at this point, when you realize this, you kind of start making fun of the jocks while simultaneously attending every single sporting event you could make it to.  After all, there often wasn't much else to do on campus besides going to the games.  Okay, yes, you could do homework, but if you do homework all the time, you're boring.

And nerds are NOT boring.

Anyway, it's not like the athletes could really hear you.  I mean, now with the dining hall completely remodeled and rearranged, I don't know how the social order has everyone sitting, but here is a basic diagram of what it looked like when I attended:

PLEASE NOTE:  THIS DIAGRAM IS A STEREOTYPE!  THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS TO THIS!

Allow me to repeat that caption again:  The above diagram is NOT ALWAYS followed!  There have been music people sitting with the jocks, jocks sitting with the nerds, and so on.  Also for those of you offended by my term "jocks," get over it.  That's what we called you.  I'm not saying all athletes are terrible people.  For crying out loud, there were people on my college's sports teams regularly seated among the nerds.  I'm using "jocks" to refer to the people who were the type who acted, dressed, and talked "cool."  Although, nearly every nerd can tell you they're wrong.  Bow ties and fezzes are cool.

Obligatory random Doctor Who reference

Anyway, back to what I'm talking about.  As you can tell by the title, this is part one of four because, let's face it, no one wants to hear me go on forever in one post about how awesome each nerd group I associated with was.

Anyway, the first group I'm going to talk about is one that mainly consisted of about four or five of us, depending on which semester it was.  And occasionally a few others who somehow could manage to stand our weirdness every once in a while.  And there are good reasons why "no one" ever sat with us.

1. We had all once escaped from the mental hospital.  I remembered the least of it, and all I remember is something about an Asian pirate doctor wearing purple named Jack.  I think they wiped our brains before we left.  Like I said, I don't remember much.
2. You probably needed to be a fan of Star Wars, Star Trek, or Stargate:  Atlantis to even begin to understand our conversations most days.
3. Pinning and sending each other Pieces of Flair LONG after it was deemed no longer cool to do so.

   

   AND NOW IT'S ALL GONE!

4. We would also talk extensively about books we read.  And how Cherie needed to learn to stop reading the last page first.  Once one of our absolute FAVORITEST teachers came and sat with us and we totally convinced him he needed to read Animal Farm because he had never done so and we were all like, "What?" and told he must read it!  These conversations are also how I knew the entire plot of The Hunger Games trilogy before I ever read it.
5. Our extremely well-thought-out and viable plan to escape college and be halfway to Canada before anyone even knew we were missing.
6. Retribution plan.  It always ends up with at least two of us dead.  Also involves escapes to Canada.  And maybe another country too.  I think it was France, but I'm not sure.
7. Sarah and I assigning superheroes to our college's various societies back in the good old days when my college had societies.

   

   Wolverine was forever claimed in the name of Judson society that day

8. Random outbursts of singing.
9. Janet and I had conversations that went like this:

   

   Please note:  The above is not an actual conversation.  Rather, it is a sample of how a conversation could go.

   Furthermore, lest you think we're the worst friends on planet earth, I'm totally listening to what she's saying, and she's totally listening to what I'm saying.  We just don't know how to respond, so we keep going with our own agendas, and when we get to the end, we have both communicated all we need too.
10. Something about Skype conversations that went on when Katrina wasn't around and therefore she was not privy to information about.  And you either.

So, there you are, the ten reasons on why almost no one really sat with us.  And I totally knew why no one sat with us.  But it was okay, because we were awesome, and we knew it.  Granted, awesome doesn't normally mean there's only a few of you, but awesomeness is relative.  And those of us who can withstand the weirded out looks of anyone within hearing distance and continue on with our lives knowing we're having fun and that we wouldn't trade our fun for a million popularity points will probably go on and do something awesome someday.

Edit:  Per my replies to the comment, here is a revised comic of what could also happen at lunch.

I never get anything I want...

My Most Embarrassing Moment

Actually, you know, I'm not actually going to tell you my most embarrassing moment.

What?  But that's the title!  You deceiver!  You villainous pile of slime!  You chocolate cake!  You dirty ear!  May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your tent!

Okay, you probably didn't actually say a couple of those, but two of those insults were written by three-year-olds, and they're far better than the insults adults come up with.

Oh, to be as carefree and innocent as a child again

Anyway, where were we?  I have a distinct feeling I didn't come here to talk about three-year-olds, although that would make an excellent blog post.  Someday, I should just have a three-year-old tell me what to write about.  Or have a three-year-old write a blog post for me.  Kids these days are so good with technology at so young, they're going to be writing their own computer games at age twelve.

I'm pretty sure this is what my tech guy friends' babies will be like.

Wow, I am SO off topic here.

Which is weird because I'm not even writing my blog about what the title is about.  Okay, onto my actual blog post.

So, you see, the reason for my title is that I'm talking about the creative writing assignments they give you in school.  I think almost every single year fourth grade through eighth grade I ended up writing about the following:  holiday traditions, my classroom/bedroom (It didn't matter in seventh and eighth grade because it was the same thing.), and my most embarrassing moment.

Okay, if any A Beka people are reading this, I will give you the fact that there are lots of different holidays, and most kids aren't in the exact same classroom year after year, but...my most embarrassing moment?

YOU REALLY THINK I WANTED TO WRITE ABOUT THAT EVERY SINGLE YEAR?!?!?!

Let me repeat that...

DO YOU REALLY, HONESTLY THINK THAT EVERY YEAR CHILDREN AND TEENAGERS ENJOY SPILLING THE BEANS ON THE SINGLE MOST HUMILIATING EXPERIENCE THEY HAVE EVER HAD?

I mean, really, if I'm going to be writing the same thing year after year, could at least be something useful to practice writing out, like my salvation testimony?  I mean, if you're a Christian curriculum, then we should at least have to write something uplifting every year...not be forced to confess something we'd never want to relive.  Also, I struggle spelling the word "embarrass," so that always made this assignment even worse because I had to use one of my problem words.  My nightmare paper would force me to use variations of the words "embarrass," "recommend" and "occasion" repeatedly; my dream paper would require me to use the word "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" at least once.  Sadly, papers about the Bible, history, and elementary education don't lend themselves to that opportunity.

Although, if it's supposed to be a word used when you don't know what to say, I suppose I could have just started typing it in a bunch of times in various places throughout the papers when they just weren't long enough.

Ah, well, I'm not bitter or anything.  I normlaly due hav an exselent sence of speling, though. ;)

I've now got you curious as to what my most embarrassing moment is, haven't I?

I'm not telling you.

I will tell you the one that I was forced to write out every year sixth grade through eighth grade though.  You see, I don't even remember what mine was in fourth grade, and my most embarrassing moment happened in fifth grade.  I think I still chose to rewrite my fourth grade one in fifth grade, though.

I mean, sometimes stuff is just way too close after the event to confess.

Okay, anyway, now that I've got you really curious, here we go.

But, first, here's a picture of popcorn so you can pretend to eat it while you listen:

If you don't like popcorn, imagine something else here instead.

Okay, I'm really going to do it now:
Once upon a time, I had been gone from America for four very long years, and when I came back, I was in fifth grade.  Everyone had grown up a lot; most of them looked different; and then there were those kids who were "new" to me, but who'd been at Union Grove Christian for a while.  There was only one new kid in my class that year besides me (and I didn't count), and she and I were already becoming friends and eventually best friends.  Oh, and to make it even more awesome, Mrs. C (the most amazing teacher EVER ON THE HISTORY OF PLANET EARTH) had us divided up into these teams based on the row we sat in.  When we chose our seats at the beginning of the year, I just kind of randomly chose one because people were waiting for me to hurry up and decide, and I was trying to decide on a seat next to the guy I'd liked since kindergarten (and continued to like up until the beginning of tenth grade, but that's another story).  Finally, I just chose one, and HE AND I HAPPENED TO BE ON THE SAME TEAM!

Oh, cupid, certainly your arrow will find it's mark while I'm still in fifth grade!

Okay, there was a theoretical downside to my team.  Due to the randomness of the seat choosing, I was the only girl on my team.  Notice, though, this is only a theoretical downside.  One girl and four boys?  I didn't even notice this fact until Mrs. C pointed out.  Oh well, it's not like you did everything with your team.  Mostly, you did your spelling word searches and crossword puzzles together.  Other than that, I still got to play with Jennifer at recess, and everything was good.

The actual downside was the guy I liked was best friends with the guy I hated.  Oh well, I could tolerate him well enough.  I'd already been doing it my whole life (besides the years in Japan) anyway.  Just don't talk to him unless necessary; you're on a team, but you don't have to be friends.  (We ended up making up in tenth grade, but that is again another story called "Katrina's Long Saga of Stupidity.")

And then there were two other guys on the team, but I don't remember who they were.  Anyway, one day, we were sent to go find spots on the floor and work as a group writing out some sentences for language class or something.  Maybe it was spelling class.  Anyway, we had words that needed to be used in these sentences.  So, we're sitting there, coming up with sentences and having fun while learning.  Like, seriously, we were laughing and having fun but the school work was getting done.  Just another normal day in Mrs. C's fifth grade class.

And then the guy I liked (whose name will not be revealed in case he ever happens to open my blog) said something, like, really, hysterically funny.  And I literally fell backwards laughing...while wearing a skirt...and, yeah, he definitely saw my underwear.  It's not just my imagination.  I know he saw it.  I think all four guys saw it.

And that, my friends, is my second most embarrassing moment.  The most embarrassing happened in high school, and I'm not posting it here in detail ("The Day the Dam Broke" is all my friends from high school might need.)

So, yeah, that's my point to every curriculum who ever decides every year kids need to write out their most embarrassing moment.  Some of ours aren't actually funny.  They're really quite embarrassing.  I've had some hysterically funny moments, but because I can laugh at myself for falling out of chairs or making language mistakes while speaking Japanese, I can't quite say they're my most embarrassing.  And, you know, finding creative new ways to write it every single year doesn't help the matter either.  I can never find a new spin to put on this story that makes it seem hilarious.

But, you know, it's fifth grade, and I'm not emotionally scarred for life, right?

Except for the fact I'm never, ever, EVER sitting cross-legged in a skirt again.  No matter how long it is.  No matter if the other person in the room told all the kids to do it and I should be setting a good example.

I laugh way too easily.