My Most Embarrassing Moment

Actually, you know, I'm not actually going to tell you my most embarrassing moment.

What?  But that's the title!  You deceiver!  You villainous pile of slime!  You chocolate cake!  You dirty ear!  May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your tent!

Okay, you probably didn't actually say a couple of those, but two of those insults were written by three-year-olds, and they're far better than the insults adults come up with.

Oh, to be as carefree and innocent as a child again

Anyway, where were we?  I have a distinct feeling I didn't come here to talk about three-year-olds, although that would make an excellent blog post.  Someday, I should just have a three-year-old tell me what to write about.  Or have a three-year-old write a blog post for me.  Kids these days are so good with technology at so young, they're going to be writing their own computer games at age twelve.

I'm pretty sure this is what my tech guy friends' babies will be like.

Wow, I am SO off topic here.

Which is weird because I'm not even writing my blog about what the title is about.  Okay, onto my actual blog post.

So, you see, the reason for my title is that I'm talking about the creative writing assignments they give you in school.  I think almost every single year fourth grade through eighth grade I ended up writing about the following:  holiday traditions, my classroom/bedroom (It didn't matter in seventh and eighth grade because it was the same thing.), and my most embarrassing moment.

Okay, if any A Beka people are reading this, I will give you the fact that there are lots of different holidays, and most kids aren't in the exact same classroom year after year, but...my most embarrassing moment?

YOU REALLY THINK I WANTED TO WRITE ABOUT THAT EVERY SINGLE YEAR?!?!?!

Let me repeat that...

DO YOU REALLY, HONESTLY THINK THAT EVERY YEAR CHILDREN AND TEENAGERS ENJOY SPILLING THE BEANS ON THE SINGLE MOST HUMILIATING EXPERIENCE THEY HAVE EVER HAD?

I mean, really, if I'm going to be writing the same thing year after year, could at least be something useful to practice writing out, like my salvation testimony?  I mean, if you're a Christian curriculum, then we should at least have to write something uplifting every year...not be forced to confess something we'd never want to relive.  Also, I struggle spelling the word "embarrass," so that always made this assignment even worse because I had to use one of my problem words.  My nightmare paper would force me to use variations of the words "embarrass," "recommend" and "occasion" repeatedly; my dream paper would require me to use the word "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" at least once.  Sadly, papers about the Bible, history, and elementary education don't lend themselves to that opportunity.

Although, if it's supposed to be a word used when you don't know what to say, I suppose I could have just started typing it in a bunch of times in various places throughout the papers when they just weren't long enough.

Ah, well, I'm not bitter or anything.  I normlaly due hav an exselent sence of speling, though. ;)

I've now got you curious as to what my most embarrassing moment is, haven't I?

I'm not telling you.

I will tell you the one that I was forced to write out every year sixth grade through eighth grade though.  You see, I don't even remember what mine was in fourth grade, and my most embarrassing moment happened in fifth grade.  I think I still chose to rewrite my fourth grade one in fifth grade, though.

I mean, sometimes stuff is just way too close after the event to confess.

Okay, anyway, now that I've got you really curious, here we go.

But, first, here's a picture of popcorn so you can pretend to eat it while you listen:

If you don't like popcorn, imagine something else here instead.

Okay, I'm really going to do it now:
Once upon a time, I had been gone from America for four very long years, and when I came back, I was in fifth grade.  Everyone had grown up a lot; most of them looked different; and then there were those kids who were "new" to me, but who'd been at Union Grove Christian for a while.  There was only one new kid in my class that year besides me (and I didn't count), and she and I were already becoming friends and eventually best friends.  Oh, and to make it even more awesome, Mrs. C (the most amazing teacher EVER ON THE HISTORY OF PLANET EARTH) had us divided up into these teams based on the row we sat in.  When we chose our seats at the beginning of the year, I just kind of randomly chose one because people were waiting for me to hurry up and decide, and I was trying to decide on a seat next to the guy I'd liked since kindergarten (and continued to like up until the beginning of tenth grade, but that's another story).  Finally, I just chose one, and HE AND I HAPPENED TO BE ON THE SAME TEAM!

Oh, cupid, certainly your arrow will find it's mark while I'm still in fifth grade!

Okay, there was a theoretical downside to my team.  Due to the randomness of the seat choosing, I was the only girl on my team.  Notice, though, this is only a theoretical downside.  One girl and four boys?  I didn't even notice this fact until Mrs. C pointed out.  Oh well, it's not like you did everything with your team.  Mostly, you did your spelling word searches and crossword puzzles together.  Other than that, I still got to play with Jennifer at recess, and everything was good.

The actual downside was the guy I liked was best friends with the guy I hated.  Oh well, I could tolerate him well enough.  I'd already been doing it my whole life (besides the years in Japan) anyway.  Just don't talk to him unless necessary; you're on a team, but you don't have to be friends.  (We ended up making up in tenth grade, but that is again another story called "Katrina's Long Saga of Stupidity.")

And then there were two other guys on the team, but I don't remember who they were.  Anyway, one day, we were sent to go find spots on the floor and work as a group writing out some sentences for language class or something.  Maybe it was spelling class.  Anyway, we had words that needed to be used in these sentences.  So, we're sitting there, coming up with sentences and having fun while learning.  Like, seriously, we were laughing and having fun but the school work was getting done.  Just another normal day in Mrs. C's fifth grade class.

And then the guy I liked (whose name will not be revealed in case he ever happens to open my blog) said something, like, really, hysterically funny.  And I literally fell backwards laughing...while wearing a skirt...and, yeah, he definitely saw my underwear.  It's not just my imagination.  I know he saw it.  I think all four guys saw it.

And that, my friends, is my second most embarrassing moment.  The most embarrassing happened in high school, and I'm not posting it here in detail ("The Day the Dam Broke" is all my friends from high school might need.)

So, yeah, that's my point to every curriculum who ever decides every year kids need to write out their most embarrassing moment.  Some of ours aren't actually funny.  They're really quite embarrassing.  I've had some hysterically funny moments, but because I can laugh at myself for falling out of chairs or making language mistakes while speaking Japanese, I can't quite say they're my most embarrassing.  And, you know, finding creative new ways to write it every single year doesn't help the matter either.  I can never find a new spin to put on this story that makes it seem hilarious.

But, you know, it's fifth grade, and I'm not emotionally scarred for life, right?

Except for the fact I'm never, ever, EVER sitting cross-legged in a skirt again.  No matter how long it is.  No matter if the other person in the room told all the kids to do it and I should be setting a good example.

I laugh way too easily.