Oh No, I'm Having a Missionary Over!

What am I going to do?!?!?!?!  I'll make the house absolutely perfect!  Yes, that's it.  Honey, hide the Disney DVDs.  We don't want to offend anybody.  Kids, put all the toys on the shelves in neat little rows.  We're having SPECIAL GUESTS!  Let's see, dinner.  Pot roast!  Yes, pot roast!  Everyone loves pot roast!

If this was ever you before I visited your house, I'm not going to say I hate you, because that would be wrong, but...honestly, when I go to someone's home, I just want to feel comfortable, not like I'm some special person who's on some pedestal above every other Christian on this planet.

Oh, great missionary, who hast graced us with thy presence, allow me to exalt you above all others in the church simply because God has chosen you to work in a foreign country, which certainly must mean you are better and more worthy than poor lowly me who is only a layman who works in AWANA on Wednesday nights.

(Yes, that caption is sarcastic!)

What I am about to present here are my personal feelings about the whole "Having Missionaries Over" deal, and it's from the MK perspective.  Having both stayed in people's houses as the missionary and having had missionaries stay at my house, I've seen both sides of the picture here.  And, I mean, yes, on the having-them-over end, things did get stressful at times, especially last minute, but even at the end of that, our house wasn't a museum of perfection.  And, honestly, you want the missionaries to enjoy themselves.  So, just sit back, relax, pour yourself a cuppa, and read Katrina's Tips On Having Missionaries Over.

Before They Come
1.  Don't stress it.  Believe it or not, missionaries are regular people.  We are not the Queen of England, President of the United States, Emperor of Japan, or anything like that.  Imagine you're just having a friend over for the afternoon or the night.  Not necessarily one of those good friends who can just come over when the kids are chasing each other with lightsabers and the house looks like a Lego store exploded, but, you know--like say it's the parents of one of the kids in your son's or daughter's class.  Make sure the house is nice enough to make a good first impression, that there's not piles of dust/cobwebs, and that the bathroom(s) is/are clean.
2.  Thoroughly read the allergens and food preferences list.  My mom is allergic to furry/feathered animals, peas, and egg whites.  HOWEVER, the egg whites allergy doesn't apply when the eggs have been cooked into another dish such as cake or cookies.  My parents always specify these things.  When you have an animal allergy, pastors are normally pretty good about putting you with someone without a pet.  However, it was amazing how sometimes, despite the egg white disclaimer, a host would proudly proclaim, "I made this cake without eggs just for you!"  Uh...thanks, but Mom can eat cake with eggs in it.  We said that.
3.  Don't worry about hiding your DVDs, CDs, and books.  Okay, yes, some missionaries are uber-conservative and hyper-scared about everything.  I know this type  (I know every type.).  You know what my family does when they come over?  We simply put on our skirts and live with it.  Seriously, we don't turn our movie and CD collections backwards or go hide it all the attic because someone might get "offended."  Seriously, if just looking at the name of a PG-13 film causes them to judge you and get so offended they can't stay in your house...yeah, I'll just stop right there in case one of "those people" is reading this.
4.  Know the approximate ages of the missionaries kids (if they have any with them).  Okay, yes, I acknowledge the fact that I'm always going to be "THIS HIGH LAST TIME I SAW YOU!" even if the last time someone saw me was when I was fifteen (I've only grown an inch since then, not a foot, thank you.).  However, if you haven't seen this missionary in...five years...age the picture on the prayer card by about five years or quickly read the prayer letter and see if it gives any clues as to how old the kids might be.  Maybe they mention, "Rachel graduated from junior high this month," or "We are so blessed by the arrival of our son, Nathan Edward."  Not every prayer letter mentions the kids, but if it does even mention one detail about one kid, you can then look at how old they are in the prayer card and age the other kids based on that.  When you know this, you can have age appropriate stuff for the missionary kids to do when they get to your house.  No, the kids aren't the center of the world, but bored kids are not something you really want to have around.
5.  Keep the meals simple.  Want to know something?  You might feed me the same meal I had last week and the week before that.  Especially if you're giving me pot roast.  Want to save yourself a bit of pressure?  Cook up a simple meal that you like that fits the missionaries' dietary requirements.  Throw something in the Crock Pot.  Cook out.  Make spaghetti!  Or tacos!  Or have everyone make their own sandwiches.  You don't need to put hours of work into the food.  For crying out loud, probably half of all missionaries eat rice on a regular basis.  But, really, don't just make us rice, because Americans have a way of ruining rice.

Half the world lives off this stuff, and all you think of it as is some One Minute deal-i-o side dish.

When They Arrive
1.  Ding-Dong!  Oh no, the missionaries are here!  Okay, simply let us in, and let us put our stuff in our room(s) right away and show us the bathroom.  (Psst...I'd rather stay in your daughter's room if she's close to my age than in a room with my parents.)  Oh by the way, chances are, some of us need the bathroom.  Like, now.  More than likely this is also when you will give the Grand House Tour.  I actually love these tours because I'm fascinated by houses.  Maybe not everyone likes it, but I do.  So, take that little bit for what it's worth.
2.  If there are kids, give them something to do right away.  I could do a whole blog post specifically on what to do with missionary kids.  In fact, I will sometime.  However, in case you never read that post, I'll give a brief summary here.  The houses where things ran the most smoothly for us kids were ones where we were immediately, or nearly immediately, engaged in some sort of activity/conversation with the hosts' children/grandchildren.  Obviously, though, not everyone has kids or can invite over their grandkids.  That's fine; I get it.  But, still, I'd rather be given a book to read or a game to play with my brothers over sitting on couches and listening to the grownups talk.  Also, maybe you'll be eating a meal first but please don't leave the kids sitting around forever doing nothing.  I hate feeling invisible, and the longer we sit the more invisible I feel.  Let me go.  If you have kids, even though I'm shy, I'm actually dying to get to know your kids, and I personally bond easier with kids without my parents around listening to everything I'm saying.
3.  Talk about something besides "the other country."  Believe me, I love it when the conversation is not just focused on Japan, Japan, JAPAN!  Maybe my parents would disagree with me on this point, but I like it when we're at someone's house/at a restaurant, and we get to talk about other things than Japan.  I don't always feel like talking about Japan.  Imagine if all someone wanted to talk to you about was your parents' job.  I'm my own person.  And when you do turn to me and ask me, "What do you like to do?" and I answer, "Read," please don't just leave it at that.  Ask me what I like to read.  This applies to anything a missionary kid might answer with.  Even if you know nothing about soccer, ask the kid if he plays on a team or who his favorite team is.  If a girl says she likes to play piano, and you have a piano in your house, offer her a chance to play.
4.  We don't mind helping out a bit.  I dislike doing dishes, but I would rather be doing dishes with your daughters than sitting around listening to the adults talk for an extra hour as the food gradually gets more and more caked onto the plates.  It gives me a chance to get to know your kids.  Maybe I don't know where everything in your kitchen is, but I won't mind helping you set the table either.  It can get awkward for me to just stand there while everyone else is standing around working.  This is something that I ended up developing more in college, but if in high school, the host's wife had set a stack of twelve cups down in front of me and asked, "Could you please put one of these at each place?" I would have done it and not felt like they'd stopped treating me like a guest.
5.  If something goes awry, don't sweat.  If you take life in stride with a good sense of humor, you will laugh about this the next time the missionary comes around.  Furthermore, you might have made yourself memorable, which is significant.  My family is supported by approximately forty churches, and we can't remember every person we've met or every house we've stayed at.  BUT, if something does go crazy while we're at your house, you'll be remembered.
6.  Be yourself.  It's cliche but so true.  Stop putting on the "the missionaries are here" face.  Relax, laugh a bit, tell a few embarrassing stories about your kids.  If you say something that you think might have offended them or been taken the wrong way, apologize and change the subject.  It's all part of getting to know someone.  Believe it or not, sometimes I've stayed at houses where absolutely nothing unusual or weird happened, but I remember those places because the people were just "normal," real people who didn't bother with putting on a front because of their perceptions and stereotypes of missionaries.  I, sadly, got very good at putting on a "furlough face," a mask that I had to wear that presented everything in my life as just fine and that made it seem like I knew nothing about pop culture.  The families that allowed me to tear aside that mask and just be who I am are precious jewels in my life.  I hate that mask, and I wish every single "furlough face" could be burnt, because it does nothing more than enforce a stereotype.  If you treat someone like the stereotype you believe they are, that is all you will ever see of them.  So don't do it.  Put aside your own mask, so I can set down mine, and by being who we really are, you can make yourself so incredibly memorable, and I will forever think of you as one of my friends, even if I only had you for less than twenty-four hours.