Oh No, I'm Having Missionary Kids Over!

Yeah, sorry this continuation took me a bit to get to.  I just really, really wanted to blog about Oreos.  Anyway, we can now move on to the promised post on what to do when you have missionary kids visit your house.  I kind of have a bit of experience in this one too.  I've been the missionary kid, and we've had missionary kids over.  Obviously, having missionary kids over is a bit different from just having the adults.  You'd think this would be obvious, but to some people, it really isn't.  Call it inexperience or ignorance, but we're not just living dolls who can sit for three hours while the adults gab on and on.  So, if you want to be "cool" in the eyes of the missionary kid, read this blog.

Before the Missionaries Come
1.  Consider whether having missionary kids in your home is a good idea.  My mom tells a story of when I was just learning to walk, we were put up with a lady who had all sorts of breakable stuff around the house.  She was very proud of her collection, but Mom was scared.  You see, I'm one of those kids who kind of skipped the crawling thing, which scientifically means you will spend the rest of your life clumsy and tripping over stuff.  Plus, there's the fact that little kids just run all around and bump into stuff and reach for stuff anyway, even if they've not been cursed with clumsiness.  So, if you have an awesome china collection, having small missionary kids in your house might not be a good idea.  I'd
say house missionary parents with the smallest of babies or missionary parents with teenagers who probably do not have bouncy balls as the toy they bring with them/win in Sunday school for being a visitor.
2.   Check the ages of the missionary kids.  I covered how to do this in a previous blog post, but let me review.  Check the prayer card and re-age kids based on either a) information found the prayer letter or b) the last time they were in the States.  Doing this is very important.  The average preteen/teenage missionary kid does not want to play with your three-year-old grandson's stuffed animals and toy train set.  Also, see if your kids or grandkids are around their age.  Invite the grandkids over for the evening/afternoon.  I may be shy, but I want friends--even one-day friends.  And, please, let me sleep in your daughter's room if she's within a year or two of my age.  I have to spend all my hotel weekends in the same room as my brothers and parents.  I have to live with them.  I know it's just sleeping, but talking goes on before the sleeping, so have your kids with a similar age/gender to the missionary kid clear a spot on the floor to sleep.  I don't mind the sleeping bag as long as I get to be with someone my age.
3.  Have age-appropriate "stuff" ready for the missionary kids.  You don't know what they like, that's true.  However, here's a brief list to give you an idea of what to have available:  a variety of board games (check to make sure there aren't any missing pieces), books, toys (up until about age 10 or 11), "art" supplies (even if it's just handing them crayons/a pen/a pencil/colored pencils/markers and paper), and DVDs/videos.  This way, the kids can keep themselves entertained while the grownups chat.  Maybe they did bring their own toys, but if you're just having the MKs for the afternoon, their toys might have been left at the hotel/house, or if you are having them overnight, kids just love to play with toys that aren't theirs.  I speak from experience.

When the Missionaries Arrive
No matter if you have kids or not:
1.  Ask about bedtime/nap time.  You don't want cranky missionary kids in tomorrow's/tonight's service.  You know how you don't want the missionary to go fifteen minutes over when he preaches tomorrow?  The missionaries don't want their kids to go to bed an hour later simply because you were chatting and didn't give them a chance to put little Sarah and Caleb down on time.
2.  Let the missionary parents be the kids of the parents.  If the parents say no, don't you go trying to override it, no matter how much your child is questioning the missionaries' decision.  And if the MK needs to go be punished, let the parents punish the child in whatever way they see fit.  It is their child; let them raise it, even if you don't agree.
3.  Notice the MK!  We're people too!  Maybe I'm not an adult with all the answers and stuff, but you can talk to me.  And when I answer question about what I like to do, don't just shrug it off and leave it at that.  Ask me more about it.  People love to talk about themselves, and MKs are no different.  If you treat me like I'm invisible, my brain will selectively forget you ever existed, and I will not remember you next time I come around unless something exciting starts happening.

If you have kids (especially those around the age of one or more of the MKs):
1.  Introduce your kids to the missionary kids as soon as possible, and let things take their course.  Don't force a friendship!  I cannot emphasize this enough.  Sometimes, certain people just aren't cut out to be best friends right away.  If I don't "take" to your kids, just remember that not everyone is friends with everyone.  It may take a while to find some common ground, and if you've told your kids they can't mention any movies/books/bands/video games around me because I'm the missionary kid (with sparkles and emphasis abounding), we're going to take a while to find some common ground.  Hey, maybe we'll hit it off in thirty seconds--awesome!  But then there's the times where we finally hit it off an hour before leaving for church the next morning.  Our parents are trying to get us into ties and dresses and church shoes, and we've finally found a friend, and all we want to do is run around playing Hide and Seek.  Oh, you're going to be wondering, "Why this is happening; why couldn't they be getting on like this on Saturday at two o'clock?"  Well, ma'am, we were still trying to figure each other out on Saturday at two o'clock.

2.  Let the kids go off on their own and do their thing together.  If you need me,  I'll be out in the woods in a tree house with Nate or upstairs playing kitchen with Lily or in the basement playing video games with Trevor or getting my hair done in the Emma's bedroom.  Don't keep the MKs captive in the living room simply because they're "important guests."  They are still kids/teenagers, and they want to go do stuff.  So, just like when your kids have their friends over, go let them do stuff with your kids.  Entering your child's bedroom often gives me enough information to form a friendship.  American Girl doll?  Oh yeah, we are now officially friends for life even if I never see you again.  Hot Wheels and a track?  Oh, you have just probably engaged some MK boys and your son for a long time.  You said you had a tree house?  Well, blast this stupid skirt I have to wear to not "offend" anyone, I'm climbing in it.
3.  If your child seems to be getting along particularly well with a certain MK, sit them together at meals/room them together (if same gender), etc.  Encourage your kids to spend time with the MKs.  They are having their world opened.  Even if I don't say a word about Japan, your son or daughter is learning that MKs are more than distant holy people who've lived in another country (Oh, I should just make a whole post about MK/missionary stereotypes!).  Don't make your kid go do a chore and leave the MK just sitting.  I mean, obviously if the trash needs to be taken out, that's a two minute task, I can wait.  But, if they've got to go do the dishes, in the words of Pavel Chekov, "I can do zat!"  I would rather do dishes than sit around in the living room because I'm a special guest.

4.  If the MK never ends up clicking with your kids, don't feel like you were the worst host ever.  I say this because I can be very antisocial at times.  Maybe I'm not feeling well.  Maybe I just want to read and not talk to people.  Maybe your kid (and you're going to hate hearing this) is boring.  All they talk about is piano lessons and home school and their talents.  Or all they want to do is for me to talk about Japan.  I don't always feel like talking about Japan.  Here, let me broaden your world by talking about Baby-Sitters Club instead.  I'm sorry your child and I were incompatible in the twenty-four hours we knew each other.  It just doesn't work with everyone.

If you don't have kids at home (or your kids aren't close in age to the MKs):
1.  Leave us to our own devices.  I will sit and "fellowship" for a while, but I can only do this for so long.  So, if you see the MK over in a corner reading a book or playing on their handheld gaming device or texting, just let it go.  You're not their parent, and you're having an adult conversation, and the MK just wants to go and be a teen/kid for a while.  If you offer me an activity and I decline, just roll with it.  Believe it or not, the reason I'm reading my book here is because I read all five of your three-year-old grandson's books last night while I was staying in "his room."  Yep, even that one with the one word on each page with a picture.  Yeah, so thanks for that.  I'm just going to go read now.  Or play games.  If you say anything interesting, I'll start socializing again.

2.  Offer us actual fun stuff to do.  Old people with no kids left at home and young couples with infants/toddlers are possibly the worst offenders.  Old people like to give MKs games with missing pieces to play and offer MKs toys that they're way too old for.  Yes, it's the thought that counts, but try playing Battleship with the Destroyer missing, and get back to me on that cliche.  Young couples expect preteen and teenage missionary kids to spend time with their toddler/infant playing little kid stuff like they're still that age.  I mean, yes, I love little kids (Elementary Education major), but the fact you seem to assume that a ten-year-old likes playing the same toys as a two-year-old and on the same level, is kind of a wrong assumption.
3.  Old couples,  kids nowadays aren't like kids yesterday.  Please get used to it.  I mean, yes, at the core things are still the same, but I can indeed still listen to your conversation while occasionally shooting off a text to someone not there.  The world is changing.  Please don't think I'm being terribly rude or anything.  The laws of social interaction are changing.  Believe it or not, that text could be flying to Europe.  Yeah, you're shocked, I know.  But please stop saying it every twenty minutes how amazed you are that I just texted someone in another country!  We all know your minds are blown.  You don't need to remind us.

So there you have it, a good idea of what you should need to know before ever letting missionary kids in your house.  I can't promise everything will be sunshine and roses from here on out whenever they come over (It won't be.), but maybe you can rest assured that you have done everything you can do to make sure you are awesome, cool, and remembered.  Because few things are more awkward for the both of us than when you come to me in four years and say, "Hey, remember when you came to my house, and you were this high, and you slept in my grandson's bedroom?" and I don't remember.  (Also, can you start saying "this tall," instead of "this high"?  "This high" kind of could be taken two ways.)


FINAL BONUS THAT APPLIES TO ALL VISITING MISSIONARIES WHETHER THEY HAVE KIDS OR NOT!

Offer us your WiFi if you have it.  Or let us borrow your computer.  We have emails to send and receive; foreign news to catch up on; Facebook to check!  We want to stay in touch with the world, and your house is a far more convenient place to do it than in the parking lot of Starbucks.

Oh No, I'm Having a Missionary Over!

What am I going to do?!?!?!?!  I'll make the house absolutely perfect!  Yes, that's it.  Honey, hide the Disney DVDs.  We don't want to offend anybody.  Kids, put all the toys on the shelves in neat little rows.  We're having SPECIAL GUESTS!  Let's see, dinner.  Pot roast!  Yes, pot roast!  Everyone loves pot roast!

If this was ever you before I visited your house, I'm not going to say I hate you, because that would be wrong, but...honestly, when I go to someone's home, I just want to feel comfortable, not like I'm some special person who's on some pedestal above every other Christian on this planet.

Oh, great missionary, who hast graced us with thy presence, allow me to exalt you above all others in the church simply because God has chosen you to work in a foreign country, which certainly must mean you are better and more worthy than poor lowly me who is only a layman who works in AWANA on Wednesday nights.

(Yes, that caption is sarcastic!)

What I am about to present here are my personal feelings about the whole "Having Missionaries Over" deal, and it's from the MK perspective.  Having both stayed in people's houses as the missionary and having had missionaries stay at my house, I've seen both sides of the picture here.  And, I mean, yes, on the having-them-over end, things did get stressful at times, especially last minute, but even at the end of that, our house wasn't a museum of perfection.  And, honestly, you want the missionaries to enjoy themselves.  So, just sit back, relax, pour yourself a cuppa, and read Katrina's Tips On Having Missionaries Over.

Before They Come
1.  Don't stress it.  Believe it or not, missionaries are regular people.  We are not the Queen of England, President of the United States, Emperor of Japan, or anything like that.  Imagine you're just having a friend over for the afternoon or the night.  Not necessarily one of those good friends who can just come over when the kids are chasing each other with lightsabers and the house looks like a Lego store exploded, but, you know--like say it's the parents of one of the kids in your son's or daughter's class.  Make sure the house is nice enough to make a good first impression, that there's not piles of dust/cobwebs, and that the bathroom(s) is/are clean.
2.  Thoroughly read the allergens and food preferences list.  My mom is allergic to furry/feathered animals, peas, and egg whites.  HOWEVER, the egg whites allergy doesn't apply when the eggs have been cooked into another dish such as cake or cookies.  My parents always specify these things.  When you have an animal allergy, pastors are normally pretty good about putting you with someone without a pet.  However, it was amazing how sometimes, despite the egg white disclaimer, a host would proudly proclaim, "I made this cake without eggs just for you!"  Uh...thanks, but Mom can eat cake with eggs in it.  We said that.
3.  Don't worry about hiding your DVDs, CDs, and books.  Okay, yes, some missionaries are uber-conservative and hyper-scared about everything.  I know this type  (I know every type.).  You know what my family does when they come over?  We simply put on our skirts and live with it.  Seriously, we don't turn our movie and CD collections backwards or go hide it all the attic because someone might get "offended."  Seriously, if just looking at the name of a PG-13 film causes them to judge you and get so offended they can't stay in your house...yeah, I'll just stop right there in case one of "those people" is reading this.
4.  Know the approximate ages of the missionaries kids (if they have any with them).  Okay, yes, I acknowledge the fact that I'm always going to be "THIS HIGH LAST TIME I SAW YOU!" even if the last time someone saw me was when I was fifteen (I've only grown an inch since then, not a foot, thank you.).  However, if you haven't seen this missionary in...five years...age the picture on the prayer card by about five years or quickly read the prayer letter and see if it gives any clues as to how old the kids might be.  Maybe they mention, "Rachel graduated from junior high this month," or "We are so blessed by the arrival of our son, Nathan Edward."  Not every prayer letter mentions the kids, but if it does even mention one detail about one kid, you can then look at how old they are in the prayer card and age the other kids based on that.  When you know this, you can have age appropriate stuff for the missionary kids to do when they get to your house.  No, the kids aren't the center of the world, but bored kids are not something you really want to have around.
5.  Keep the meals simple.  Want to know something?  You might feed me the same meal I had last week and the week before that.  Especially if you're giving me pot roast.  Want to save yourself a bit of pressure?  Cook up a simple meal that you like that fits the missionaries' dietary requirements.  Throw something in the Crock Pot.  Cook out.  Make spaghetti!  Or tacos!  Or have everyone make their own sandwiches.  You don't need to put hours of work into the food.  For crying out loud, probably half of all missionaries eat rice on a regular basis.  But, really, don't just make us rice, because Americans have a way of ruining rice.

Half the world lives off this stuff, and all you think of it as is some One Minute deal-i-o side dish.

When They Arrive
1.  Ding-Dong!  Oh no, the missionaries are here!  Okay, simply let us in, and let us put our stuff in our room(s) right away and show us the bathroom.  (Psst...I'd rather stay in your daughter's room if she's close to my age than in a room with my parents.)  Oh by the way, chances are, some of us need the bathroom.  Like, now.  More than likely this is also when you will give the Grand House Tour.  I actually love these tours because I'm fascinated by houses.  Maybe not everyone likes it, but I do.  So, take that little bit for what it's worth.
2.  If there are kids, give them something to do right away.  I could do a whole blog post specifically on what to do with missionary kids.  In fact, I will sometime.  However, in case you never read that post, I'll give a brief summary here.  The houses where things ran the most smoothly for us kids were ones where we were immediately, or nearly immediately, engaged in some sort of activity/conversation with the hosts' children/grandchildren.  Obviously, though, not everyone has kids or can invite over their grandkids.  That's fine; I get it.  But, still, I'd rather be given a book to read or a game to play with my brothers over sitting on couches and listening to the grownups talk.  Also, maybe you'll be eating a meal first but please don't leave the kids sitting around forever doing nothing.  I hate feeling invisible, and the longer we sit the more invisible I feel.  Let me go.  If you have kids, even though I'm shy, I'm actually dying to get to know your kids, and I personally bond easier with kids without my parents around listening to everything I'm saying.
3.  Talk about something besides "the other country."  Believe me, I love it when the conversation is not just focused on Japan, Japan, JAPAN!  Maybe my parents would disagree with me on this point, but I like it when we're at someone's house/at a restaurant, and we get to talk about other things than Japan.  I don't always feel like talking about Japan.  Imagine if all someone wanted to talk to you about was your parents' job.  I'm my own person.  And when you do turn to me and ask me, "What do you like to do?" and I answer, "Read," please don't just leave it at that.  Ask me what I like to read.  This applies to anything a missionary kid might answer with.  Even if you know nothing about soccer, ask the kid if he plays on a team or who his favorite team is.  If a girl says she likes to play piano, and you have a piano in your house, offer her a chance to play.
4.  We don't mind helping out a bit.  I dislike doing dishes, but I would rather be doing dishes with your daughters than sitting around listening to the adults talk for an extra hour as the food gradually gets more and more caked onto the plates.  It gives me a chance to get to know your kids.  Maybe I don't know where everything in your kitchen is, but I won't mind helping you set the table either.  It can get awkward for me to just stand there while everyone else is standing around working.  This is something that I ended up developing more in college, but if in high school, the host's wife had set a stack of twelve cups down in front of me and asked, "Could you please put one of these at each place?" I would have done it and not felt like they'd stopped treating me like a guest.
5.  If something goes awry, don't sweat.  If you take life in stride with a good sense of humor, you will laugh about this the next time the missionary comes around.  Furthermore, you might have made yourself memorable, which is significant.  My family is supported by approximately forty churches, and we can't remember every person we've met or every house we've stayed at.  BUT, if something does go crazy while we're at your house, you'll be remembered.
6.  Be yourself.  It's cliche but so true.  Stop putting on the "the missionaries are here" face.  Relax, laugh a bit, tell a few embarrassing stories about your kids.  If you say something that you think might have offended them or been taken the wrong way, apologize and change the subject.  It's all part of getting to know someone.  Believe it or not, sometimes I've stayed at houses where absolutely nothing unusual or weird happened, but I remember those places because the people were just "normal," real people who didn't bother with putting on a front because of their perceptions and stereotypes of missionaries.  I, sadly, got very good at putting on a "furlough face," a mask that I had to wear that presented everything in my life as just fine and that made it seem like I knew nothing about pop culture.  The families that allowed me to tear aside that mask and just be who I am are precious jewels in my life.  I hate that mask, and I wish every single "furlough face" could be burnt, because it does nothing more than enforce a stereotype.  If you treat someone like the stereotype you believe they are, that is all you will ever see of them.  So don't do it.  Put aside your own mask, so I can set down mine, and by being who we really are, you can make yourself so incredibly memorable, and I will forever think of you as one of my friends, even if I only had you for less than twenty-four hours.