Oh No, I'm Having Missionary Kids Over!

Yeah, sorry this continuation took me a bit to get to.  I just really, really wanted to blog about Oreos.  Anyway, we can now move on to the promised post on what to do when you have missionary kids visit your house.  I kind of have a bit of experience in this one too.  I've been the missionary kid, and we've had missionary kids over.  Obviously, having missionary kids over is a bit different from just having the adults.  You'd think this would be obvious, but to some people, it really isn't.  Call it inexperience or ignorance, but we're not just living dolls who can sit for three hours while the adults gab on and on.  So, if you want to be "cool" in the eyes of the missionary kid, read this blog.

Before the Missionaries Come
1.  Consider whether having missionary kids in your home is a good idea.  My mom tells a story of when I was just learning to walk, we were put up with a lady who had all sorts of breakable stuff around the house.  She was very proud of her collection, but Mom was scared.  You see, I'm one of those kids who kind of skipped the crawling thing, which scientifically means you will spend the rest of your life clumsy and tripping over stuff.  Plus, there's the fact that little kids just run all around and bump into stuff and reach for stuff anyway, even if they've not been cursed with clumsiness.  So, if you have an awesome china collection, having small missionary kids in your house might not be a good idea.  I'd
say house missionary parents with the smallest of babies or missionary parents with teenagers who probably do not have bouncy balls as the toy they bring with them/win in Sunday school for being a visitor.
2.   Check the ages of the missionary kids.  I covered how to do this in a previous blog post, but let me review.  Check the prayer card and re-age kids based on either a) information found the prayer letter or b) the last time they were in the States.  Doing this is very important.  The average preteen/teenage missionary kid does not want to play with your three-year-old grandson's stuffed animals and toy train set.  Also, see if your kids or grandkids are around their age.  Invite the grandkids over for the evening/afternoon.  I may be shy, but I want friends--even one-day friends.  And, please, let me sleep in your daughter's room if she's within a year or two of my age.  I have to spend all my hotel weekends in the same room as my brothers and parents.  I have to live with them.  I know it's just sleeping, but talking goes on before the sleeping, so have your kids with a similar age/gender to the missionary kid clear a spot on the floor to sleep.  I don't mind the sleeping bag as long as I get to be with someone my age.
3.  Have age-appropriate "stuff" ready for the missionary kids.  You don't know what they like, that's true.  However, here's a brief list to give you an idea of what to have available:  a variety of board games (check to make sure there aren't any missing pieces), books, toys (up until about age 10 or 11), "art" supplies (even if it's just handing them crayons/a pen/a pencil/colored pencils/markers and paper), and DVDs/videos.  This way, the kids can keep themselves entertained while the grownups chat.  Maybe they did bring their own toys, but if you're just having the MKs for the afternoon, their toys might have been left at the hotel/house, or if you are having them overnight, kids just love to play with toys that aren't theirs.  I speak from experience.

When the Missionaries Arrive
No matter if you have kids or not:
1.  Ask about bedtime/nap time.  You don't want cranky missionary kids in tomorrow's/tonight's service.  You know how you don't want the missionary to go fifteen minutes over when he preaches tomorrow?  The missionaries don't want their kids to go to bed an hour later simply because you were chatting and didn't give them a chance to put little Sarah and Caleb down on time.
2.  Let the missionary parents be the kids of the parents.  If the parents say no, don't you go trying to override it, no matter how much your child is questioning the missionaries' decision.  And if the MK needs to go be punished, let the parents punish the child in whatever way they see fit.  It is their child; let them raise it, even if you don't agree.
3.  Notice the MK!  We're people too!  Maybe I'm not an adult with all the answers and stuff, but you can talk to me.  And when I answer question about what I like to do, don't just shrug it off and leave it at that.  Ask me more about it.  People love to talk about themselves, and MKs are no different.  If you treat me like I'm invisible, my brain will selectively forget you ever existed, and I will not remember you next time I come around unless something exciting starts happening.

If you have kids (especially those around the age of one or more of the MKs):
1.  Introduce your kids to the missionary kids as soon as possible, and let things take their course.  Don't force a friendship!  I cannot emphasize this enough.  Sometimes, certain people just aren't cut out to be best friends right away.  If I don't "take" to your kids, just remember that not everyone is friends with everyone.  It may take a while to find some common ground, and if you've told your kids they can't mention any movies/books/bands/video games around me because I'm the missionary kid (with sparkles and emphasis abounding), we're going to take a while to find some common ground.  Hey, maybe we'll hit it off in thirty seconds--awesome!  But then there's the times where we finally hit it off an hour before leaving for church the next morning.  Our parents are trying to get us into ties and dresses and church shoes, and we've finally found a friend, and all we want to do is run around playing Hide and Seek.  Oh, you're going to be wondering, "Why this is happening; why couldn't they be getting on like this on Saturday at two o'clock?"  Well, ma'am, we were still trying to figure each other out on Saturday at two o'clock.

2.  Let the kids go off on their own and do their thing together.  If you need me,  I'll be out in the woods in a tree house with Nate or upstairs playing kitchen with Lily or in the basement playing video games with Trevor or getting my hair done in the Emma's bedroom.  Don't keep the MKs captive in the living room simply because they're "important guests."  They are still kids/teenagers, and they want to go do stuff.  So, just like when your kids have their friends over, go let them do stuff with your kids.  Entering your child's bedroom often gives me enough information to form a friendship.  American Girl doll?  Oh yeah, we are now officially friends for life even if I never see you again.  Hot Wheels and a track?  Oh, you have just probably engaged some MK boys and your son for a long time.  You said you had a tree house?  Well, blast this stupid skirt I have to wear to not "offend" anyone, I'm climbing in it.
3.  If your child seems to be getting along particularly well with a certain MK, sit them together at meals/room them together (if same gender), etc.  Encourage your kids to spend time with the MKs.  They are having their world opened.  Even if I don't say a word about Japan, your son or daughter is learning that MKs are more than distant holy people who've lived in another country (Oh, I should just make a whole post about MK/missionary stereotypes!).  Don't make your kid go do a chore and leave the MK just sitting.  I mean, obviously if the trash needs to be taken out, that's a two minute task, I can wait.  But, if they've got to go do the dishes, in the words of Pavel Chekov, "I can do zat!"  I would rather do dishes than sit around in the living room because I'm a special guest.

4.  If the MK never ends up clicking with your kids, don't feel like you were the worst host ever.  I say this because I can be very antisocial at times.  Maybe I'm not feeling well.  Maybe I just want to read and not talk to people.  Maybe your kid (and you're going to hate hearing this) is boring.  All they talk about is piano lessons and home school and their talents.  Or all they want to do is for me to talk about Japan.  I don't always feel like talking about Japan.  Here, let me broaden your world by talking about Baby-Sitters Club instead.  I'm sorry your child and I were incompatible in the twenty-four hours we knew each other.  It just doesn't work with everyone.

If you don't have kids at home (or your kids aren't close in age to the MKs):
1.  Leave us to our own devices.  I will sit and "fellowship" for a while, but I can only do this for so long.  So, if you see the MK over in a corner reading a book or playing on their handheld gaming device or texting, just let it go.  You're not their parent, and you're having an adult conversation, and the MK just wants to go and be a teen/kid for a while.  If you offer me an activity and I decline, just roll with it.  Believe it or not, the reason I'm reading my book here is because I read all five of your three-year-old grandson's books last night while I was staying in "his room."  Yep, even that one with the one word on each page with a picture.  Yeah, so thanks for that.  I'm just going to go read now.  Or play games.  If you say anything interesting, I'll start socializing again.

2.  Offer us actual fun stuff to do.  Old people with no kids left at home and young couples with infants/toddlers are possibly the worst offenders.  Old people like to give MKs games with missing pieces to play and offer MKs toys that they're way too old for.  Yes, it's the thought that counts, but try playing Battleship with the Destroyer missing, and get back to me on that cliche.  Young couples expect preteen and teenage missionary kids to spend time with their toddler/infant playing little kid stuff like they're still that age.  I mean, yes, I love little kids (Elementary Education major), but the fact you seem to assume that a ten-year-old likes playing the same toys as a two-year-old and on the same level, is kind of a wrong assumption.
3.  Old couples,  kids nowadays aren't like kids yesterday.  Please get used to it.  I mean, yes, at the core things are still the same, but I can indeed still listen to your conversation while occasionally shooting off a text to someone not there.  The world is changing.  Please don't think I'm being terribly rude or anything.  The laws of social interaction are changing.  Believe it or not, that text could be flying to Europe.  Yeah, you're shocked, I know.  But please stop saying it every twenty minutes how amazed you are that I just texted someone in another country!  We all know your minds are blown.  You don't need to remind us.

So there you have it, a good idea of what you should need to know before ever letting missionary kids in your house.  I can't promise everything will be sunshine and roses from here on out whenever they come over (It won't be.), but maybe you can rest assured that you have done everything you can do to make sure you are awesome, cool, and remembered.  Because few things are more awkward for the both of us than when you come to me in four years and say, "Hey, remember when you came to my house, and you were this high, and you slept in my grandson's bedroom?" and I don't remember.  (Also, can you start saying "this tall," instead of "this high"?  "This high" kind of could be taken two ways.)


FINAL BONUS THAT APPLIES TO ALL VISITING MISSIONARIES WHETHER THEY HAVE KIDS OR NOT!

Offer us your WiFi if you have it.  Or let us borrow your computer.  We have emails to send and receive; foreign news to catch up on; Facebook to check!  We want to stay in touch with the world, and your house is a far more convenient place to do it than in the parking lot of Starbucks.