Tuesday, June 11, 2013

I'm Silently Judging Your Oreo Choice

You know, it's kind of incredible Oreo lasted so long.  I mean, Nabisco released it to the public the same time it released nursery rhyme crackers (like animal crackers but shaped like nursery rhyme characters).  I mean, come on, everyone knows when you slap the face of something everyone loves on a box, anyone will buy it.  Somehow, that didn't work for them.  Instead, for the past 101 years, Nabisco have been the proud makers of Oreos.  Once America's Favorite Cookie, it has since been demoted to Milk's Favorite Cookie (although I don't know who in the world can speak Milk).
WHAT is YOUR FAVorite COOkie?

Yeah, anyway, Oreo means "gold," which they basically are.  Edible cookie and cream gold.  I would say chocolate and cream gold, but there's a lot more types of Oreos than the basic type.  Walk into your local Wal-Mart, and you should be able to find about half an aisle dedicated to Oreo products.





And, you know, you can tell a lot about someone based on the Oreos they're buying (Okay, not really, but let's pretend you actually can.).  I mean, yes, there's already the Oreo Personality Quiz, but that's based on how you eat the Oreos.  This Oreo Personality Test is based on the type of Oreos you prefer to buy in the store.



Oreo
You’re boring; you’ve never looked at the other Oreo options available
Reduced Fat Oreo
You’re on a diet/health food kick but can’t give up Oreos
Double Stuf Oreo
You love cream, and regular Oreos don’t have enough flavor for you
Chocolate Oreo
You really, really love chocolate
Golden Oreo
You’re either allergic to or don’t like chocolate or are intensely in love with bland flavors
Golden Double Stuf Oreo
You like your blandness with some extra cream
Golden Chocolate Oreo
You’re a little crazy and like things upside down at times
Double Stuf Oreo Heads or Tails
You’re going around flipping Oreos like they’re coins
Cool Mint Oreo
You love the taste of toothpaste mixed with chocolate
Peanut Butter Oreo
Your Oreo choice was influenced by the Lindsey Lohan version of The Parent Trap
Berry Burst Ice Cream Oreo
You liked the idea of berry ice cream in Oreo, which isn’t as good as it sounds
Spring Oreo
Either your kids are getting Oreos for Easter or you thought this was lemon flavored
Halloween Oreo
Either you’re handing out Oreos for Halloween or you wanted orange Oreos
Winter Oreo
You’ve given up on Christmas cookie baking for a while
Football Oreo
You’re bringing Oreos to the Super Bowl Party
Triple Double Oreo
You have discovered the height of the Oreo eating experience
Neapolitan Triple Double Oreo
You think this will be the next level in Triple Double-awesomeness, but it isn’t
Birthday Cake Oreo
You’re celebrating Oreo’s 100th birthday from 2012 in style
Birthday Cake Golden Oreo
You’re celebrating Oreo’s 100th birthday from 2012 in style…but more blandly
Great Value Twist & Shout Sandwich Cookies
You’re being cheap about your snack foods and will never know the awesomeness of the other flavors
Deep Fried Oreo
You threw all health concern to the wind a long time ago


"But wait!  You forgot the Fudge Creams!"
Yeah, I know, but I've never actually eaten those.  Let's just say if I see you buying Oreo Fudge Creams, I consider you to be buying another type of cookie that happens to be made under the name of Oreo to increase sales.


So, there you go, my lineup of how I will judge you based on the Oreos in your cart at Walmart.

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