The Top 10 Live Action Disney Films (Now 11)

So, a couple years ago, which is probably closer to being three years ago at the present time (Man, time flies even when you're doing nothing!), my friends and I were riding back from church one night, and someone asked what our top five Disney films in both the real life and the animated conversations.  Anyway, apparently when you make these lists, Katrina isn't allowed to count the sequels to her favorite film as separate films but rather must group them as one film.  However, Thomas is totally allowed to declare Where the Red Fern Grows as a Disney film, despite the fact that it's actually made by a tiny insignificant company, and...Yeah, he doesn't care, so why am I even bothering to rant about this?

Sorry, dude, this is not a Disney film!

Anyway, Top 5 is such a challenge, so I'm going to make my list here a Top 10 so I can talk about more excellent Disney films.

10.  Eight Below--Basically, it's a movie about a dog team of eight dogs who are left behind in Antarctica when their humans have to evacuate due to severe weather.  So, basically, it's about the dogs surviving and the humans trying to raise money to go back and rescue them.  (Spoiler/Warning:  Some of the dogs do die!).  It's just a really cute movie about dogs and stuff.  Plus, I've seen the statue dedicated to the real dogs this happened to (Only they were fifteen of them in real life, and the people who left them behind were Japanese.), so that makes it even cooler.

9.  Treasure Island--Okay, if you know me, you're not surprised that pirate films have made this list--more than once.  Also, if you know me, I'm not really a huge fan of Robert Louis Stevenson's novels.  I mean, the man has incredible plot lines, but his writing style makes me want to stab myself with something.  Seriously, I have tried three times (Treasure Island, The Black Arrow, and Kidnapped), and each time it's been like, "Awesome plot; terrible writing style!"  A thousand English majors are now on their way to set me straight, probably.  Well, I suppose we can have a lovely discussion on Victor Hugo's Les Miserables when they get here, as I'm reading through that.  Better get the tea and scones ready...Oh yeah, back to Disney's Treasure Island film.  Yes, wonderful film involving pirates and stuff.  Basically, this film makes the list solely based on the virtue of having pirates on it.  Well, that and another film I wanted has too much computer animation to count as a live action film.  Also, this film gains bonus points because it was Disney's first full length live action film.

8.  Old Yeller--Confessions of Katrina:  I still haven't cried watching this film.  Still, I mean, it's got the awesome dog and all the animals, and basically this movie is really cool.  Plus, it's a classic.  I mean, like, three or four generations of Disney fans have loved this film by now, even if it doesn't make us cry.  After all, who doesn't like a film about kids who want dogs?  Okay, probably if you have cynophobia you don't, but that relates more to my opinion on weird fears people apparently actually can be diagnosed for, and not to Old Yeller.  Well, hydrophobia relates to the film, but not cynophobia.

7.   Davy Crockett films--I kind of hesitated including this because both Davy Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier and Davy Crockett and the River Pirates were both actually movies chopped up into three and two parts respectively and shown several weeks apart on ABC's Disneyland series.  Nonetheless, nowadays, we view them as two separate films (unless you had the DVD edition my brothers and I did as a teenager which split them into their separate parts and included the parts of Walt Disney talking before and after them), not five parts of a miniseries.  I guess if Pride and Prejudice (1995) as a film, then Davy Crockett counts too.  Anyway, after that long intro, this one also makes it because it's epically cool; it's a fictionalized account of the historical character Davy Crockett; and because it inspired a fashion statement of coonskin caps in children.  Seriously, if you didn't grow up in a world where at least one kid you knew had a coonskin cap, even in the '90s, I'm seriously doubting how cultured you were as a kid because my family lived in Japan, and we kids had a coonskin cap.

6. Swiss Family Robinson--Watching this movie was my own personal reward for finishing the book (The first ever e-book I completed, on my Palm Pilot back in the day.), and, honestly, it is a pretty cool film that fortunately Disney has cancelled the remake of.  Seriously, some remakes just don't need to happen.  Some would say all remakes should be banned, but I cover up my ears like Gollum and mutter, "Not listening! Not listening!" while simultaneously clutching my copy of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory like it's some precious object that others think is out to destroy the world.  Actually, Gollum himself is a perfect example of why certain remakes need to happen.  Just go look up the original animated Lord of the Rings stuff.  Yeah, now stop dissing Hollywood for doing remakes.  Ahem, anyway, although Swiss Family Robinson does significantly deviate from the book, Disney nonetheless made it into a pretty stinking awesome movie that deserves to be watched over and over.

5.  The Princess Diaries films--Okay, let's see:  To summarize, in her younger days Catwoman, granddaughter of Mary Poppins, was bullied in high school by Rapunzel and eventually dates Captain Kirk.  Oh yeah, and she finds out she's secretly been a princess her whole life, which elicits the appropriate response of, "Shut up!" (which either means she was in shock or that because this is Disney, suddenly all the animals within a fifty foot radius began to speak to her, and she wanted them to stop talking right then and there). Along the way, she gets to paint by popping balloons, mattress surf, find out she can't actually marry Prince William, ends up looking like a moose temporarily, and gets a couple foot-popping kisses.  If you watch these movies (and watch both because Disney actually made a sequel as good as the first film!) and don't laugh at least once, something is wrong with you.  Seriously, these films are absolutely hilarious and quotable.

4.  The Chronicles of Narnia films--Ooh, look, MORE evidence that remakes should happen.  Honestly, go back and watch the original BBC stuff, and just agree with me that Disney did a good job of remaking it.  Now if they would just FINISH the project before Peter starts going gray, that would be cool.  Plus, the epic Liam Neeson voices Aslan.  Really, Disney, finish what you've started.  I'm waiting.  Plus, your soundtracks are awesome!  I mean, you do lose a couple points for the whole Susan-Caspian romance thing (Need I remind you she's hundreds of years older than him?) and adding plot elements to Voyage of the Dawn Treader, but oh well.  Further awesomeness was rewarded, though, because the films are based on books by C.S. Lewis, who is pretty much cooler than almost any other Christian fiction writer in the history of Christian fiction, except for John Bunyan (although Pilgrim's Progress, being an allegory, I'm not quite sure how to categorize).  Also, although these film contains certain amounts of computer animation to them, I feel they basically function as live action films with computer animation added where needed (Unlike Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, which was sadly cut from this list due to too much computer animation. *sniff sniff *tries not to cry; cries a lot)

3.  101 Dalmatians--Oops, yeah, sorry, we've got two remakes in a row here.  Wait, I'm not sorry.  At all.  This is the remake, which, although it deviates even further from the books than Disney's original animated version, that proves that some remakes can happen.  I intend absolutely no dis to the original animated version at all.  It's just that, since I was little, if you gave me a choice between the animated and live action versions, I was totally choosing live action.  The live action version is ten times funnier.  Like, seriously, if you haven't seen it, go out and find it and watch it.  There is a sequel known as 102 Dalmatians, but that's not really necessary to life.  I mean, it's cute to watch once or twice, but it's just not as good (like most Disney sequels).

2.  National Treasure films--And the history nerd side of Katrina strikes and glows like the bombs bursting in air at Fort McHenry the night the first verse of "The Star-Spangled Banner" was penned.  Yeah, no one who knows my history side should be surprised to see that this film is my #2.  I mean, just the cleverness of how it was all pieced together (with a couple slight historical improbabilities in the first one and a bunch in the second one) connecting all the clues.  It makes history into a scavenger hunt.  Plus, come on, Sean Bean doesn't die!  He gets arrested, but he doesn't die!  That's got to count for something!  Anyway, my recommendation for this film is that if you are not a history person, do not watch this film for the first time with a history person in the room.  Make sure no one in the room is a history person first and then hit play.  Because we will correct the film's mistakes verbally without the help of IMDb.  And even despite that, we'll still be all, "This is so awesome!" at the end.

1.  Pirates of the Caribbean quadrilogy (to become a pentalogy in 2015)--Okay, you all knew this was coming, so don't act surprised.  PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN IS THE BEST MOVIE SERIES EVER!  It's my ringtone; it's the origin of my love of Johnny Depp (Incidentally, the only reason The Lone Ranger is not on this list is because I haven't seen it yet, and if you spoil it, you are in so much trouble.); it's the reason I love movies and documentaries about pirates.  PIRATES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  No, my obsession with this film is not logical in the least.  In fact, one could contend it is highly illogical because no human being should be getting this excited about movies that she knows aren't as good as the original.  However, I would like to point out that it is the highest grossing Disney movie franchise*, so it's not like my love is completely misplaced.  So, yeah, there's never another like good ol' Captain Jack, savvy?  Plus, come on, the first time I ever cried from a movie was when Jack got eaten by the kraken in Dead Man's Chest.  And then about five minutes later I was screaming because of the surprise twist and how I couldn't wait a year for the next film.  And then I had to wait four years after that film for On Stranger Tides to come out.  Seriously, I should be handling the Sherlock thing much better after how long I waited for a fourth pirates film and how long I'm waiting for a fifth (Yes, it's happening!).  I mean, between three and four coming out, at least I occupied by time by reading the books, but Disney isn't publishing as many Pirates books anymore, so that's out.  So, yeah, if you can't tell by the end of this paragraph what Katrina's absolute favorite live action Disney film (actually film series because Thomas wouldn't let me make it my top four spaces!) is, you really don't know me.  Because all you have to say is "Pirates" or "Jack Sparrow" or "Black Pearl," and I turn into this hyperactive crazy thing for between several minutes and a couple hours.  Yeah, you can tell me that I have issues...but "sticks and stones, love."  Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me!

"I can go like this" is the perfect response for if anyone asks me if I can do anything else but wait for Pirates 5 to come out

*not counting Marvel or Star Wars, both of which Disney owns now, as I see those as completely different things, especially since Disney hasn't actually made any Star Wars films yet and that anything Disney's doing with Marvel is a continuation of what was going on when they bought it

Oh, and finally, to end with:

HAPPY 10TH BIRTHDAY TO PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN!  Thank you to Geoffrey Rush, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Bill Nighy, Johnny Depp, and the rest of the cast and crew for an amazing adventure.  Seriously, without all the effort and madness you put into this film, our lives would be much sadder.  So, thank you, for everything you have done, even though you will probably never read this

AND, TO ALL THE HATERS:

ETA:  So, I feel like an idiot because I just realized I didn't rank Holes, which is sitting right in the same room as me and which is most definitely one of my absolute favorite Disney films, ranking at #3, which then reranks everything else and knocks Eight Below off the list.  I have no idea why I forgot it, but, yeah, I love Holes, both book and movie.  I feel the movie did a FABULOUS job at portraying the book.  It's got awesome multiple plot lines that end up intertwining at the end.  So, yeah, I guess this list is now 11 movies long, but, oh well.  I can't believe I forgot Holes!

The Problem With The Combined Fictional Worlds Map

Please tell me I'm not the only one who has a problem with the above map.  PLEASE assure me of this!  I mean, it's "Camp Half-Blood," not "Half-Blood Camp," Narnia doesn' have any of it's surrounding lands, Oz and Alagaesia are completely left out, etc., etc., etc.

Now, I can't draw worth a single Mushroom Kingdom coin, but I can go on the Internet, save a bunch of maps to my computer and put them all on a page on my blog so you can click right here and look at a bunch of different maps I've gathered together to help me prove the points I'm about to make here.

I'm not saying that maps such as these should be completely abandoned.  I think they're awesome ideas, but putting these countries in such close proximity is when everything falls apart.  I haven't read all the books/watched all the films and shows for all the fictional lands, but I think I know enough about a few to give us a good idea on what is wrong:

1.  Some lands are outright stated to be imaginary.  Such lands are "Terabithia," and although not pictured here, Mr. Rogers' "Neighborhood of Make Believe," and "The Hundred Acre Wood."  These lands could never be placed on any such map because they are only of the mind.  Yes, some people are going to pull out the Harry Potter quotation on me about how just because something's in your head doesn't make it any less real.  Still, I can't feel right about having places that aren't real even in their fictional world being placed on a map.

2.  Some places are completely left out.  Obviously, this is because the person who created the map doesn't have these places among their fandoms.  Just because something isn't one of your fandoms doesn't mean it should be left out.  I mean, I'm not part of the Harry Potter fandom or the Game of Thrones fandoms, but I still included those maps on the linked page so those who are in those fandoms can be satisfied.  So, what fictional lands did this cartographer of fiction not include?  Oz, Alagaesia (the Inheritance Cycle), the Mushroom Kingdom (Mario), Far Far Away/Dulac (Shrek), Andalasia (Enchanted), and probably some more that are escaping my my memory.

3.  The surrounding countries of several kingdoms are not included and countries are shaped incorrectly.  The two I can right out tell you are inaccurate are Westeros (as little as I know about it) and Narnia.  I mean, where's Essos?  Where are Archenland, Calormen, and the islands Prince Caspian sailed to aboard the Dawn Treader?  These are significant places to these series, yet on this map, they've just been dropped like they don't matter.  Also, some countries are just shaped wrongly.  They're either too big or just plain malformed.

4.  Some of these places are in our world.  Camp Half-Blood and Hogwarts are both hidden places that can only be located by those who belong to the classes of individuals allowed to attend (demigods or wizards), and Panem is North America in the future.  Furthermore, this map chose to include the famous training locations of demigods and wizards but left out Professor Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters--the training place for mutants.  Obviously, if we include that, then we have other places to worry about such as Stark Tower, Gotham City, Metropolis, etc., but we'll conquer that topic in a little bit.

5.  Narnia is on a flat world, while other countries are located on spherical worlds.  I think that says enough.  Narnia can in no way be part of the same world as anything that is on a globe.  Narnia is flat (The Voyage of the Dawn Treader).

As already stated, though, I believe maps like this are excellent ideas, but they need to be well thought out, not just patched together willy-nilly in a sort of "Ooh, I got a great idea, let's place all my fandoms in one gigantic map!" way.  How can this be repaired, though?

Simple.

A fictional world UNIVERSE map.

"Say what?"

Okay, I mean, let's just think of something, by desiring to place everything on one map, the cartographer has neglected the Star Trek, Star Wars, Stargate, Battlestar Galactica, Babylon 5, Firefly, Doctor Who, etc. fandoms.  The fictional world is a galaxy to explore!  Oh, that leads to my first point of how to improve this.

1.  Multiple planets.  By saying "planets," I'm also including the fact that Narnia is apparently some flat-like-a-map object floating out there in space.  I don't understand how this works; I just have to accept the fact that C.S. Lewis is a kajillion times smarter than me, which is something I accept extremely readily, and I haven't even read Mere Christianity yet (It's on my to do list!).  Also, let's not forget the fact that Neverland is also in space, "second to the right and straight on 'til morning."  Then there's all the planets that are in the above-mentioned fandoms.  I mean, really, it's extraordinary, and I'd love to be the person who managed to chart out all these fictional galaxies.

2.  Include a straight out map of our world.  On it, mark Star Fleet Academy, Camp Half-Blood and Camp Jupiter, 221B Baker Street, Cedric Diggory's house (where the rings to Narnia are buried), Hogwarts and the other wizarding schools, the rabbit hole to Wonderland, 17 Cherry Tree Lane, the locations of the Stargates on earth, Jurassic Park, Wonka's Chocolate Factory, Tortuga and the Isla de Muerta, all the cities and towns of the DC and Marvel universes, etc.  You have to remember that this is not our world exactly.  Trust me, we would have heard of some sort of crazy events going on, even if perception filters and the Mist kept us from seeing the truth.  Plus, let's not forget the fact that we'd definitely see newspaper articles about the stuff the Winchester brothers of Supernatural are up to.  So, this is an alternate earth in an alternate universe--just one of the multiple planets that will be drawn on the gigantic map above.  On this alternate earth, as will be noted on the map, North America eventually becomes Panem, home of The Hunger Games.  Based on the technology of Panem, it happened sometime after the last recorded events of Star Trek and Firefly.  In Serenity, the voiceover states that Earth-That-Was got too crowded, although I imagine enough people were left on it when Panem formed to still have such competitions.  This alternate world can also be justified by the existence of all the Presidents and Prime Ministers that never existed in our world.

3.  The Isle of Sodor is in another universe completely from the above universe.  Here's my theory, disturbing as it is:  In one universe, vehicles began to become sentient beings.At the time of the events of Thomas the Tank Engine, everything was fine and good, because they still needed the humans to control them.  However, as time progressed and the self-driving car was invented/evolved, the vehicles no longer needed the humans and took over the planet somehow, allowing for a world like Pixar's Cars where there are many vehicles, all talking and apparently reproducing, but no humans driving them.  There's your extremely disturbing thought of the day, and yet more evidence I have been watching Pixar far beyond the age I should be.

4.  Portals between this world and our world could exist.  This is, of course, assuming events like that of Narnia did indeed happen in our world.  The easiest way to get to this world is to find the yellow and green ring Digory Kirk's Uncle Andrew invented, and jump into the ponds in the world between worlds until we found our desired world.  Other methods are a bit harder.  Obviously, the average tornado is destructive, but in The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy happens to get picked up in one that has either a) also picked up a portal to another world (This one happening to be Oz.) or b) is a portal to another world.  The rabbit hole that Alice falls down is also another such portal, and is probably the exact same sort of portal that the characters in Enchanted use to get between Andalasia and Times Square, even though that particular one is a manhole.  Both, nonetheless, are portals to another world where things do not work exactly like here.

5.  An explanation of why some lands have talking animals and some don't.  First of all, Alternate Earth is extremely similar to ours.  It merely contains people and a few places that don't exist in our world.  These lands where animals can talk are quite like Narnia.  I imagine there's some sort of planet in this alternate universe where animals can talk.  I'd imagine that this particular planet is some sort of fairy tale planet.  Not all the princes and princesses we know are alive at once.  Rather, somehow our world got delivered the important stories of the histories of various royal kingdoms on this planet.  In some lands, the animals can talk, and in others they can't.  An alternate explanation could be that over time, the animals on Alternate Earth lost the ability to speak, just as Narnian animals can lose their ability to speak, however as the history of Alternate Earth includes characters such as King Arthur and Robin Hood who can't speak to animals, this explanation is highly unlikely.

Obviously, this blog post has all been in good fun, as I don't actually believe in alternate universes (Sorry!), and I know fiction is just fiction.  It's all just stories that we use to keep ourselves entertained.  But, you know what?  That's okay.  We all need that bit of fun in which we imagine what the world would be like if things weren't the way they are.  Some may condemn fantasy as wrong, but I enjoy it becuse I understand that it's all pretend; it's not real.  Still, imagine if this were real:  I think we would all immediately start running around trying to find portals to this alternate universe.

But would you really want to go?  It's dangerous.  Unless you've got the Doctor (Well, this universe's Doctor, which is the Doctor we watch on TV.) to jiggery-pokery your phone, you can't call home.  Your way back could get cut off.  You might have to live out the rest of your life without electricity or any of the comforts you've known.  Would you really want to possibly pay that price?  Maybe you would, but I think some worlds are better left in our imaginations where we can escape back to reality.  After all, reality should be where we live, and fiction should be where we visit because when we live our lives the other way around, that is when things become dangerous because we lose touch with what's real.

As a Christian, I've been called to live a life for God, not for my fandoms.  Although I believe that literature is wonderful and fun, II Corinthians 10:5 says that I am to be "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ."  If I ever let the fictional world become more important than God--even C.S. Lewis's beautiful world of Narnia that alludes to Christianity--then my priorities are wrong, and I need to turn my focus back to Him.  This is true whether it is fantasy literature or shopping or Facebook or music or whatever.  And I am saying this knowing that I fail.  My mind wanders during prayer more often than I should, and instead of talking to God, I find myself thinking about my writing or what I want to happen in life or even checking Facebook and Pinterest.  My priorities can be seriously messed up sometimes.  So, if you're a Christian, before you start your next TV show marathon or pick up a novel, think about if you've spent any time with God yet today.  He is more important than whatever you are about to do.  I know this is not the topic I started with up top, but it came to my heart as I was wrapping up, and I felt that it was important to end with this:  that the Bible is better than any fantasy novel you will ever read and your relationship with God is more important than your favorite couple getting together.