Why American Winters Are So Weird To Me

Hello, everyone.  I am checking in from a very snowy Indiana.  Apparently, they don't normally get this much snow here.  Odd.  This isn't a normal winter?

Actually, I find the American concept of winter extremely odd.  You know why?

BECAUSE I COME FROM A PLACE THAT GETS TWENTY FEET OF SNOW A YEAR!

No, like, literally.  Once the temperature gets below freezing, it stays below freezing, and that snow that fell in November isn't going to melt until somewhere around April.  On the mountains, it's going to wait until June or so.  Then we have two weeks of summer during which we all summarily die of heat related problems until a cool wind blows in and the yukimushi (snow bugs) begin to fly, warning us another winter is ahead.

Seriously, we have bugs that show up about two weeks before the first snow falls.

So, with this information in mind, I'm sure you'll understand why I find it strange when:
1)  The temperature reads anything above zero Celsius (thirty-two Fahrenheit) after December arrives.
2)  I see yards full of green grass anytime before March.
3)  Anyone complains about the roads not being plowed.

Because, seriously, that is what twenty feet of snow looks like.  You don't even see the pavement half the time during winter.  Everyone just kind of squishes it down (everyone has winter tires and four wheel drive on Hokkaido; if you don't, you're probably from Tokyo) and chugs along with life.  Granted, I never had a Japanese driver's license and never had to operate in said conditions, but you can bet if life was like that all the time, I'd go along with the flow.

Which brings me to the six seasons of Hokkaido

1.  Pre-Winter--This starts when the yukimushi begin to fly.  Usually, the leaves haven't even begin to turn yet.  Hey, some years, we get our first flurries before fall colors happen.  This is when people begin to think about switching over to the winter tires, digging the shovels out of storage, and checking to make sure the snow blowers and snow melters work.

Snow melter:  Simply throw snow in specially designed hole in ground...

...and allow the hot water to melt all your troubles away.

2.  Winter--You just know when it's the first snow that's going to stick.  The weatherman has had the little snowman icon on his weekly forecast for days now.  The temperatures are all ideal for winter to truly begin.  And it does.  The flakes fly thick and fast and stick to the ground.  Whether it's powder snow or packing snow, the sticking snow has come.  Welcome to November (or early December if it's a pathetic winter).  Snow shoveling now becomes everyone hobby simply to get out of the house in the morning.  Snow piles as tall as people begin to form on the street corners.  Still, life goes on.

3.  Still Winter--It's February.  You would be getting sick of winter, but it's FESTIVAL SEASON!  Yes, that's right.  We love winter so much, we have festivals about it, in which we carve gigantic sculptures of snow and ice, and just when we're about frozen, we go into warming houses and eat food.

Asahikawa Winter Festival 2007

Sounkyo Ice Fall Festival 2007

Sapporo Snow Festival 2004

Yes, basically, we just go obsessive at this time of winter and rake in the money from the tourists, who we also summarily whine about as they crowd up the Asahiyama Zoo.  But, really, we know we need them.  If only they would get brains and dress warmer.

4.  Does Anyone Remember What Grass Looks Like?  It's March.  The tourists have gone.  The snow sculptures are demolished.  Now comes the bleak wait for the snow to melt.  We try to ignore the reminders of how warm Tokyo is right now.  In fact, we mock the Tokyo-ans as they whine about how cold it is because a millimeter of snow fell, and it's a balmy three degrees right now.  "Samui [Cold]!" exclaims the little old woman they interview on the TV.  We all roll our eyes, and go top off the kerosene in the heaters.  No end is in sight for us.

Even the freaks on this map who are about to have a sunny day are rolling their eyes.

5.  Melting--Suddenly, one day in April, the weatherman does nothing but predict sun and clouds for the rest of the week.  And, somehow, the sun manages to peak through the clouds and begin raining its beams down to earth again, slowly melting the gigantic snow piles that have been accumulating for the past five months.  By May, the cherry blossoms are finally in full bloom, one or two months behind everyone else.

Cherry tree that was outside my bedroom window growing up

Spring, or the closest thing we will experience, has arrived.  However, in the lumber yards and the snow dumping sites and upon the mountain peaks, a few rogue snow piles still linger, holding out against all hope that maybe this year they will not die!  Maybe they will finally make it to September this year!  Maybe they will last twelve months!  But by June, spring has whispered them away.

6.  How Does Tokyo Stand More Than Two Weeks of This Heat?  Spring is over, and summer has begun.  It is July.  And all of a sudden, we hit a heat wave!  With temperatures maxing out at a whopping thirty Celsius (eighty-six Fahrenheit), we turn in desperation to shaved ice and soft cream to ease the pain of this equatorial vortex afflicting us.  Seriously, Tokyo, how do you survive it being this temperature all summer long?  It's miserable.  Even worse, you are apparently wearing long sleeves when you visit because you feel "cold"!  I'm in my short sleeves and capris and feeling like I'm about to subliminate!  Honestly, why do these temperatures exist?  Is there any relief out there?  Oh wait, look, I think I see snow on the mountain peaks...

And now you see why I don't understand this whole snowing-then-melting process over a three-to-four month time span that the upper continental United States seems to experience.  I'm used to five to six months of nonstop winter.  It just goes on and on, with nearly no end in sight.  And, in a way, we like it.  I mean, it's terribly inconvenient at times, but overall, we have bonded with our winter and made it into a celebration.  And an opportunity to mock anyone who lives in Tokyo and any other warm places of Japan.  Because we are Hokkaido, and this is what happens when you settle an island full of political prisoners and other undesirables.  You get the tundra version of Australia with fewer marsupials and more bears!

Author's Note:  The writer of this blog does acknowledge that long sleeves are necessary in November in Tokyo.  However, it's the long sleeves under the winter coat that early in the year in such moderate temperatures that grant her some concern about your collective sanity.