Confessions of a Former Judsonite

So, basically, here's how it used to go:  You show up on Northland campus as a freshman, and next thing you know, you're learning about these things called societies, and how every non-married student needs to join one.  So, you peruse the list and talk with your roommates, and here was your rundown:
Carey/Carmichael--almost all jocks
Brainerd/Slessor--tough initiations
Spurgeon--the preacher boys and not-actually-preacher girls
Judson--the hicks
Dreisbach--don't really do anything
Champlin--also really don't do anything

And, of course, naturally, every single member of every society wants you to join their society...except for Dreisbach and Champlin, almost all of whom were in their societies due to being last in line.  They were kind of like the Aquaman and Hawkeye societies of Northland.  The ones where you think there might be a purpose here somewhere, but you can't see entirely what it is, so you just kind of go through life accepting their existence because getting rid of them would just make life seem incomplete.

So, anyway, I basically threw Dreisbach and Champlin out the window and narrowed my societies down to Judson and Carmichael:  the hicks or the jock girls.

I only made it to one society rush activity, and it was the Judson one.  I worked during the Carmichael one.  So, my entire experience of being rushed by a society involved running around campus on a scavenger hunt, getting soaked because it was pouring rain.

List of ways to make Katrina miserable #13:  Go out in the rain.

 I HATE GOING OUT IN THE RAIN!  And, oddly enough, I had the best time of my life doing this, and I was promised a future of something about bonfires and camouflage and guys playing Bloodball if I joined.

I was kind of trying to eat my cold ice cream and cookie sandwich after being out in the cold rain, so I didn't retain much.

So then came society rush chapel, and I politely sat through all the candle singing/canoe falling and skits and videos until finally came the Judson one.

The girl officers came out and said, "Hey, we're the Judson girl officers, and we hope you join Judson" and left the stage.

In that moment, I sold my soul to Carmichael.

Then some guys appeared on stage pretending to be vending machines or something like that.  I was too busy laughing to remember.

Then suddenly, a guy crashed through the ceiling, grabbed the donuts, and I died laughing.

Suddenly, I couldn't wait to be directed to the table.  My choice was made.  As soon as they gave us freshmen the "go" I was out of my bleacher, shoving my way to the front of the crowd.  I had to do it.

I had to get my name on that paper.  Something about the promises of duct tape and donuts lured me to have my name be written down on that sheet of paper.

I, the girl who had never shot a gun in her life, who could barely climb a tree without a lot of help, joined Judson.

This:  absolutely out of the question for Katrina.  An oddly enough, Judson could probably have talked me into it.

That first night, I began to question what I was doing here.  I mean, I got through the Keys Partner thing just fine (I was one of those people who ended up with great Keys Partners.)  But then came the "stand on a table and initiate yourself by telling a random fact" part.  Favorite guns?  Four wheeling?  What was this strange language?  I mean, I knew this was the hick society, but...why are the girls doing this to?  Um...I don't have a single strong hick characteristic about me.  Okay, I watch The Red Green Show.  Oh, good, we finally connect on something.

Ooh, bonfire.  This is nice.  Hotdogs and marshmallows and donuts.  I could get used to this.

Foot washing chapel?  What in the world...

BEST CHAPEL EVER!

Soon, it began to absorb me.  Okay, I'll come to the skeet shoot.  Uh...which gauge should I use?  Why do I have to use the bigger number?  So that's what happens when you don't hold it tight in your shoulder...  Okay, not doing that again.

Uh...awesome...a mud pit.  I hate getting messy.  Why am I cheering for this?

Wait, what do you mean because I'm a girl, I'm not allowed to catch the greased pig?  I should SO be allowed to do this too. I AM A JUDSON GIRL!

No, I have absolutely no dancing skills at all.

Of course I'll line dance to introduce the society.

Wait, who banned the line dancing?  That was so much fun.  Now I'm just going to have to stand up there and clap while the guys play some bluegrass song I've never heard of.

I LOVE MY SOCIETY!

"Girls can play Bloodball, as long as they are off campus."

Best sport in the history of ever.  Well, aside from the sprained necks, broken collarbones, and sundry other maladies it's caused.

Hey, let's borrow the Hoffman brothers' truck to go pick up condiments for the flag football tailgate party.

Yeah, and by the way, there's not as much food as there used to be because we had to pay eighty dollars for that broken ceiling tile.

DONUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hm...this Judson thing is quite fun.  Nominate me for vice president.

Or activities' director.  That works too.  And no one else is running?  Perfect.

This will be the best year of society ever!

Thanks to you guys, I got a knife.  I love my knife (which is currently misplaced, which saddens me greatly).

More skeet shooting!!!!

"Do you realize how talented Judson actually is?  I mean, virtually every musical instrument out there can be played by someone in our society.  Plus, look, like almost the entire cast of this play is Judson."

Let's make gigantic Valentine's Day cards for the guy officers.  I'm sure they'll love this.

Wait...they're getting rid of society?  But WHY?  I love my society.

I cried for two days after that announcement.  Society had basically become my life, and I hated to see it go.  Judson had turned a girl who knew next to nothing about life out of the city into someone that actually enjoyed shooting guns and listening to bluegrass and roasting donuts over the fire.

And I therefore now find myself in some odd place of being able to say that in college I was considered both nerd and hick.  Talk about a weird place to be.  Every three weeks, you find yourself screaming and doing hick things and then going to lunch and discussing computers and the problems with plays.

But I guess that just made me a well rounded college student instead of just sitting over at some jock table discussing basketball all day.  Or something like that.

Life At the Nerd Tables, Part 1: "Why Does No One Ever Sit With Us?"

Okay, I'll admit, the question, "Why does no one ever sit with us?" was a completely rhetorical question.  And actually even the question itself was kind of a lie because people did occasionally come sit with us.  Granted, it was about the same three or four people who just didn't seem to want to/didn't have the same lunch time as us five days a week.  Besides, I knew what the answer was:

Because by my junior year of college when I asked this, I was already, basically, officially a part of the nerd group at my college--a loose affiliate of people mainly based around the techies, drama nerds, and music people, although a few of us had absolutely none of those talents and had just read a bunch of books and watched a lot of TV shows and movies.  I never ASKED to be part of the nerd group.  I didn't even notice I was part of it for a long time when it finally dawned on me that basically the only athletes I spoke with on a regular basis were the hockey players.  And even then, only about two of them.

So, at this point, when you realize this, you kind of start making fun of the jocks while simultaneously attending every single sporting event you could make it to.  After all, there often wasn't much else to do on campus besides going to the games.  Okay, yes, you could do homework, but if you do homework all the time, you're boring.

And nerds are NOT boring.

Anyway, it's not like the athletes could really hear you.  I mean, now with the dining hall completely remodeled and rearranged, I don't know how the social order has everyone sitting, but here is a basic diagram of what it looked like when I attended:

PLEASE NOTE:  THIS DIAGRAM IS A STEREOTYPE!  THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS TO THIS!

Allow me to repeat that caption again:  The above diagram is NOT ALWAYS followed!  There have been music people sitting with the jocks, jocks sitting with the nerds, and so on.  Also for those of you offended by my term "jocks," get over it.  That's what we called you.  I'm not saying all athletes are terrible people.  For crying out loud, there were people on my college's sports teams regularly seated among the nerds.  I'm using "jocks" to refer to the people who were the type who acted, dressed, and talked "cool."  Although, nearly every nerd can tell you they're wrong.  Bow ties and fezzes are cool.

Obligatory random Doctor Who reference

Anyway, back to what I'm talking about.  As you can tell by the title, this is part one of four because, let's face it, no one wants to hear me go on forever in one post about how awesome each nerd group I associated with was.

Anyway, the first group I'm going to talk about is one that mainly consisted of about four or five of us, depending on which semester it was.  And occasionally a few others who somehow could manage to stand our weirdness every once in a while.  And there are good reasons why "no one" ever sat with us.

1. We had all once escaped from the mental hospital.  I remembered the least of it, and all I remember is something about an Asian pirate doctor wearing purple named Jack.  I think they wiped our brains before we left.  Like I said, I don't remember much.
2. You probably needed to be a fan of Star Wars, Star Trek, or Stargate:  Atlantis to even begin to understand our conversations most days.
3. Pinning and sending each other Pieces of Flair LONG after it was deemed no longer cool to do so.

   

   AND NOW IT'S ALL GONE!

4. We would also talk extensively about books we read.  And how Cherie needed to learn to stop reading the last page first.  Once one of our absolute FAVORITEST teachers came and sat with us and we totally convinced him he needed to read Animal Farm because he had never done so and we were all like, "What?" and told he must read it!  These conversations are also how I knew the entire plot of The Hunger Games trilogy before I ever read it.
5. Our extremely well-thought-out and viable plan to escape college and be halfway to Canada before anyone even knew we were missing.
6. Retribution plan.  It always ends up with at least two of us dead.  Also involves escapes to Canada.  And maybe another country too.  I think it was France, but I'm not sure.
7. Sarah and I assigning superheroes to our college's various societies back in the good old days when my college had societies.

   

   Wolverine was forever claimed in the name of Judson society that day

8. Random outbursts of singing.
9. Janet and I had conversations that went like this:

   

   Please note:  The above is not an actual conversation.  Rather, it is a sample of how a conversation could go.

   Furthermore, lest you think we're the worst friends on planet earth, I'm totally listening to what she's saying, and she's totally listening to what I'm saying.  We just don't know how to respond, so we keep going with our own agendas, and when we get to the end, we have both communicated all we need too.
10. Something about Skype conversations that went on when Katrina wasn't around and therefore she was not privy to information about.  And you either.

So, there you are, the ten reasons on why almost no one really sat with us.  And I totally knew why no one sat with us.  But it was okay, because we were awesome, and we knew it.  Granted, awesome doesn't normally mean there's only a few of you, but awesomeness is relative.  And those of us who can withstand the weirded out looks of anyone within hearing distance and continue on with our lives knowing we're having fun and that we wouldn't trade our fun for a million popularity points will probably go on and do something awesome someday.

Edit:  Per my replies to the comment, here is a revised comic of what could also happen at lunch.

I never get anything I want...