In Which I Interact With Monkeys

            Asking me what my favorite animal is kind of like asking me where I’m from.  It’s not a one second answer.  For the record, I am from Union Grove, Wisconsin, but I was born in Iron Mountain, Michigan, and I lived most of my childhood in Japan, first in Karuizawa (for three years) followed by Asahikawa (where my family has lived since I was nine), but I’ve also lived in Racine, Wisconsin when I was little; on top of that, my driver’s license while I attended college in Dunbar, Wisconsin, said I lived in Kenosha, Wisconsin (because that’s where my grandma lived and where my mailing address) was, and right now I live in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.  However, the purpose of this post is not to discuss about how, “Where are you from?” is my second least favorite question after, “What’s it like in Japan?”  This is to talk about monkeys.  See, my favorite animals are lions, tigers, bears, snakes, monkeys, and hyenas.  Don’t ask me to choose one from that list.  In addition, I squeal over about anything that qualifies as “animal.”  I even think the world’s ugliest dog is cute.  However, this post isn’t about the world’s ugliest dog.  This post is about monkeys.

            Monkeys are pretty awesome.  Whoever is about to contradict me on this point probably has a valid argument, but I am refusing to listen because I also acknowledge monkeys can be disgusting.  So can humans.  In fact, every single critter on this planet is disgusting in some way.  In fact, you know one thing the United States severely lacks?  Wild monkeys.  I kid you not.  I mean, yeah, you’ve got possums and coons and skunks and squirrels and chipmunks and all sorts of wonderful critters just dying to be seen, but you don’t have monkeys!  Japan does have monkeys.  Specifically, they have Japanese macaques.  My family now lives too far north to see them in the wild (although our zoo, which I will probably discuss thoroughly in a future post, has a fair collection of them), but we used to live further south.

            And, dear friends, I may have never touched a monkey in my life, but I have seen them in their wild, natural habitats.

            Okay, I’ll admit, I’ve never seen them sitting in a hot spring, except on TV, but that doesn’t matter.  I have had a monkey in my own front yard.  (Be quiet, ye missionary kids of Africa, mainland Asia, and South America.  I am having my moment of glory now.  I fully acknowledge you’ve had more monkeys than me.)

            So, there’s not much to tell about having a Japanese macaque in your own front yard.  It came.  It ate some berries.  I think it even went on our roof.  It almost peed on me (Oh, yes, I just wrote that.).  Fortunately, I got away in time.  Eventually, it left; back to go find his own monkey kind.  I never saw him again.

            Good news—that is not the only wild Japanese macaque I ever saw in real life.  No, every year, back when we lived down south, our church went on a picnic under the plum blossoms (because cherry blossoms are too common), and every year, we ended up taking this one very windy road.  That’s what happens when you live in the mountains.  You end up taking these roads guaranteed to induce carsickness to those inclined in such a way.

            Guess who gets carsick?  And guess who always wanted us to take that road?  Yep, me.  Because that road was fondly nicknamed “The Monkey Road” for a reason—it had plenty of monkeys living around it.  Everyone loved to stop and look at the monkeys and take pictures, and some people even fed them (Mom wouldn’t let me.).  Trust me, the nausea you may feel traveling down that road is worth it because there are MONKEYS!  Even if you have to pull over three times because you feel like you’re about to puke up your peanut butter and jelly sandwich, you get to see monkeys.

            Also, on a completely unrelated note, don’t feed the monkeys at the zoo.  The zookeepers tend not to like you doing that.  Not that I have EVER tried feeding a monkey, much less been successful at it.

I know absolutely NOTHING about this picture.  *shifty eyes