I'm Silently Judging Your Oreo Choice

You know, it's kind of incredible Oreo lasted so long.  I mean, Nabisco released it to the public the same time it released nursery rhyme crackers (like animal crackers but shaped like nursery rhyme characters).  I mean, come on, everyone knows when you slap the face of something everyone loves on a box, anyone will buy it.  Somehow, that didn't work for them.  Instead, for the past 101 years, Nabisco have been the proud makers of Oreos.  Once America's Favorite Cookie, it has since been demoted to Milk's Favorite Cookie (although I don't know who in the world can speak Milk).

WHAT is YOUR FAVorite COOkie?

Yeah, anyway, Oreo means "gold," which they basically are.  Edible cookie and cream gold.  I would say chocolate and cream gold, but there's a lot more types of Oreos than the basic type.  Walk into your local Wal-Mart, and you should be able to find about half an aisle dedicated to Oreo products.

And, you know, you can tell a lot about someone based on the Oreos they're buying (Okay, not really, but let's pretend you actually can.).  I mean, yes, there's already the Oreo Personality Quiz, but that's based on how you eat the Oreos.  This Oreo Personality Test is based on the type of Oreos you prefer to buy in the store.

Oreo You’re boring; you’ve never looked at the other Oreo options available	Reduced Fat Oreo You’re on a diet/health food kick but can’t give up Oreos	Double Stuf Oreo You love cream, and regular Oreos don’t have enough flavor for you
Chocolate Oreo You really, really love chocolate	Golden Oreo You’re either allergic to or don’t like chocolate or are intensely in love with bland flavors	Golden Double Stuf Oreo You like your blandness with some extra cream
Golden Chocolate Oreo You’re a little crazy and like things upside down at times	Double Stuf Oreo Heads or Tails You’re going around flipping Oreos like they’re coins	Cool Mint Oreo You love the taste of toothpaste mixed with chocolate
Peanut Butter Oreo Your Oreo choice was influenced by the Lindsey Lohan version of The Parent Trap	Berry Burst Ice Cream Oreo You liked the idea of berry ice cream in Oreo, which isn’t as good as it sounds	Spring Oreo Either your kids are getting Oreos for Easter or you thought this was lemon flavored
Halloween Oreo Either you’re handing out Oreos for Halloween or you wanted orange Oreos	Winter Oreo You’ve given up on Christmas cookie baking for a while	Football Oreo You’re bringing Oreos to the Super Bowl Party
Triple Double Oreo You have discovered the height of the Oreo eating experience	Neapolitan Triple Double Oreo You think this will be the next level in Triple Double-awesomeness, but it isn’t	Birthday Cake Oreo You’re celebrating Oreo’s 100th birthday from 2012 in style
Birthday Cake Golden Oreo You’re celebrating Oreo’s 100th birthday from 2012 in style…but more blandly	Great Value Twist & Shout Sandwich Cookies You’re being cheap about your snack foods and will never know the awesomeness of the other flavors	Deep Fried Oreo You threw all health concern to the wind a long time ago

"But wait!  You forgot the Fudge Creams!"
Yeah, I know, but I've never actually eaten those.  Let's just say if I see you buying Oreo Fudge Creams, I consider you to be buying another type of cookie that happens to be made under the name of Oreo to increase sales.

So, there you go, my lineup of how I will judge you based on the Oreos in your cart at Walmart.

Oh No, I'm Having a Missionary Over!

What am I going to do?!?!?!?!  I'll make the house absolutely perfect!  Yes, that's it.  Honey, hide the Disney DVDs.  We don't want to offend anybody.  Kids, put all the toys on the shelves in neat little rows.  We're having SPECIAL GUESTS!  Let's see, dinner.  Pot roast!  Yes, pot roast!  Everyone loves pot roast!

If this was ever you before I visited your house, I'm not going to say I hate you, because that would be wrong, but...honestly, when I go to someone's home, I just want to feel comfortable, not like I'm some special person who's on some pedestal above every other Christian on this planet.

Oh, great missionary, who hast graced us with thy presence, allow me to exalt you above all others in the church simply because God has chosen you to work in a foreign country, which certainly must mean you are better and more worthy than poor lowly me who is only a layman who works in AWANA on Wednesday nights.

(Yes, that caption is sarcastic!)

What I am about to present here are my personal feelings about the whole "Having Missionaries Over" deal, and it's from the MK perspective.  Having both stayed in people's houses as the missionary and having had missionaries stay at my house, I've seen both sides of the picture here.  And, I mean, yes, on the having-them-over end, things did get stressful at times, especially last minute, but even at the end of that, our house wasn't a museum of perfection.  And, honestly, you want the missionaries to enjoy themselves.  So, just sit back, relax, pour yourself a cuppa, and read Katrina's Tips On Having Missionaries Over.

Before They Come
1.  Don't stress it.  Believe it or not, missionaries are regular people.  We are not the Queen of England, President of the United States, Emperor of Japan, or anything like that.  Imagine you're just having a friend over for the afternoon or the night.  Not necessarily one of those good friends who can just come over when the kids are chasing each other with lightsabers and the house looks like a Lego store exploded, but, you know--like say it's the parents of one of the kids in your son's or daughter's class.  Make sure the house is nice enough to make a good first impression, that there's not piles of dust/cobwebs, and that the bathroom(s) is/are clean.
2.  Thoroughly read the allergens and food preferences list.  My mom is allergic to furry/feathered animals, peas, and egg whites.  HOWEVER, the egg whites allergy doesn't apply when the eggs have been cooked into another dish such as cake or cookies.  My parents always specify these things.  When you have an animal allergy, pastors are normally pretty good about putting you with someone without a pet.  However, it was amazing how sometimes, despite the egg white disclaimer, a host would proudly proclaim, "I made this cake without eggs just for you!"  Uh...thanks, but Mom can eat cake with eggs in it.  We said that.
3.  Don't worry about hiding your DVDs, CDs, and books.  Okay, yes, some missionaries are uber-conservative and hyper-scared about everything.  I know this type  (I know every type.).  You know what my family does when they come over?  We simply put on our skirts and live with it.  Seriously, we don't turn our movie and CD collections backwards or go hide it all the attic because someone might get "offended."  Seriously, if just looking at the name of a PG-13 film causes them to judge you and get so offended they can't stay in your house...yeah, I'll just stop right there in case one of "those people" is reading this.
4.  Know the approximate ages of the missionaries kids (if they have any with them).  Okay, yes, I acknowledge the fact that I'm always going to be "THIS HIGH LAST TIME I SAW YOU!" even if the last time someone saw me was when I was fifteen (I've only grown an inch since then, not a foot, thank you.).  However, if you haven't seen this missionary in...five years...age the picture on the prayer card by about five years or quickly read the prayer letter and see if it gives any clues as to how old the kids might be.  Maybe they mention, "Rachel graduated from junior high this month," or "We are so blessed by the arrival of our son, Nathan Edward."  Not every prayer letter mentions the kids, but if it does even mention one detail about one kid, you can then look at how old they are in the prayer card and age the other kids based on that.  When you know this, you can have age appropriate stuff for the missionary kids to do when they get to your house.  No, the kids aren't the center of the world, but bored kids are not something you really want to have around.
5.  Keep the meals simple.  Want to know something?  You might feed me the same meal I had last week and the week before that.  Especially if you're giving me pot roast.  Want to save yourself a bit of pressure?  Cook up a simple meal that you like that fits the missionaries' dietary requirements.  Throw something in the Crock Pot.  Cook out.  Make spaghetti!  Or tacos!  Or have everyone make their own sandwiches.  You don't need to put hours of work into the food.  For crying out loud, probably half of all missionaries eat rice on a regular basis.  But, really, don't just make us rice, because Americans have a way of ruining rice.

Half the world lives off this stuff, and all you think of it as is some One Minute deal-i-o side dish.

When They Arrive
1.  Ding-Dong!  Oh no, the missionaries are here!  Okay, simply let us in, and let us put our stuff in our room(s) right away and show us the bathroom.  (Psst...I'd rather stay in your daughter's room if she's close to my age than in a room with my parents.)  Oh by the way, chances are, some of us need the bathroom.  Like, now.  More than likely this is also when you will give the Grand House Tour.  I actually love these tours because I'm fascinated by houses.  Maybe not everyone likes it, but I do.  So, take that little bit for what it's worth.
2.  If there are kids, give them something to do right away.  I could do a whole blog post specifically on what to do with missionary kids.  In fact, I will sometime.  However, in case you never read that post, I'll give a brief summary here.  The houses where things ran the most smoothly for us kids were ones where we were immediately, or nearly immediately, engaged in some sort of activity/conversation with the hosts' children/grandchildren.  Obviously, though, not everyone has kids or can invite over their grandkids.  That's fine; I get it.  But, still, I'd rather be given a book to read or a game to play with my brothers over sitting on couches and listening to the grownups talk.  Also, maybe you'll be eating a meal first but please don't leave the kids sitting around forever doing nothing.  I hate feeling invisible, and the longer we sit the more invisible I feel.  Let me go.  If you have kids, even though I'm shy, I'm actually dying to get to know your kids, and I personally bond easier with kids without my parents around listening to everything I'm saying.
3.  Talk about something besides "the other country."  Believe me, I love it when the conversation is not just focused on Japan, Japan, JAPAN!  Maybe my parents would disagree with me on this point, but I like it when we're at someone's house/at a restaurant, and we get to talk about other things than Japan.  I don't always feel like talking about Japan.  Imagine if all someone wanted to talk to you about was your parents' job.  I'm my own person.  And when you do turn to me and ask me, "What do you like to do?" and I answer, "Read," please don't just leave it at that.  Ask me what I like to read.  This applies to anything a missionary kid might answer with.  Even if you know nothing about soccer, ask the kid if he plays on a team or who his favorite team is.  If a girl says she likes to play piano, and you have a piano in your house, offer her a chance to play.
4.  We don't mind helping out a bit.  I dislike doing dishes, but I would rather be doing dishes with your daughters than sitting around listening to the adults talk for an extra hour as the food gradually gets more and more caked onto the plates.  It gives me a chance to get to know your kids.  Maybe I don't know where everything in your kitchen is, but I won't mind helping you set the table either.  It can get awkward for me to just stand there while everyone else is standing around working.  This is something that I ended up developing more in college, but if in high school, the host's wife had set a stack of twelve cups down in front of me and asked, "Could you please put one of these at each place?" I would have done it and not felt like they'd stopped treating me like a guest.
5.  If something goes awry, don't sweat.  If you take life in stride with a good sense of humor, you will laugh about this the next time the missionary comes around.  Furthermore, you might have made yourself memorable, which is significant.  My family is supported by approximately forty churches, and we can't remember every person we've met or every house we've stayed at.  BUT, if something does go crazy while we're at your house, you'll be remembered.
6.  Be yourself.  It's cliche but so true.  Stop putting on the "the missionaries are here" face.  Relax, laugh a bit, tell a few embarrassing stories about your kids.  If you say something that you think might have offended them or been taken the wrong way, apologize and change the subject.  It's all part of getting to know someone.  Believe it or not, sometimes I've stayed at houses where absolutely nothing unusual or weird happened, but I remember those places because the people were just "normal," real people who didn't bother with putting on a front because of their perceptions and stereotypes of missionaries.  I, sadly, got very good at putting on a "furlough face," a mask that I had to wear that presented everything in my life as just fine and that made it seem like I knew nothing about pop culture.  The families that allowed me to tear aside that mask and just be who I am are precious jewels in my life.  I hate that mask, and I wish every single "furlough face" could be burnt, because it does nothing more than enforce a stereotype.  If you treat someone like the stereotype you believe they are, that is all you will ever see of them.  So don't do it.  Put aside your own mask, so I can set down mine, and by being who we really are, you can make yourself so incredibly memorable, and I will forever think of you as one of my friends, even if I only had you for less than twenty-four hours.

The Long and Illustrious History of Donuts!

HAPPY NATIONAL DONUT DAY!

Yes, my dear readers, in the long annals of days centered around random objects, today--the first Friday of June--is the one which we use to honor the King of All Pastries, Lord of the Deserts, Emperor of Breakfast, and Supreme Ruler of All Snack Foods--the donut!

No food substance has probably had as great an influence upon the history of mankind as the donut.  Because of its illustrious history, many questions have risen:  "Why is there a hole in the middle?"  "How do they get the cream inside the donut?"  "Is it spelled doughnut or donut?"  Fortunately, as both a History Minor and Former Activities Director for Judson Society The Society for the Preservation and Promotion of Donuts, I can answer all the above questions.  So, strap in and get ready as we take a trip through time, exploring the full history of this delicacy.

Sorry, it had to be done.

Sumerian chariot

To trace back the history of the donut thoroughly, we must also examine the history of the bagel, as these two originated from the same treat.  Recent archaeological excavations have proven the fact that this original pastry came as a result of the development of the wheel approximately four thousand years ago.  The ancient Sumerians were so overjoyed to learn that they could now hitch their donkeys and camels and horses up to a cart and haul their items around rather than carrying it on their backs, that they declared a national day of feasting.  Archaeologists suggest that this event fell slightly before the summer solstice and was originally observed on the sixth day of the week, which is the reason why millenia later Congress declared Donut Day to fall on the first Friday of June every year.  To celebrate the wheel, Sumerian bakers formed dough into the shape of wheels, and sold them to the rich who could afford it.  This treat was normally eaten plain, although it could be flavored with honey or various dried berries and fruit.  The poor, unlearned in the art of "wheel bread" making, desired to copy this trend among the rich and famous.  However, rather than shaping the dough into a wheel, they would cook the bread before punching a hole in it after the process was over.  The remains of the center were then fed to swine, dogs, and other unclean creatures.

The Colosseum

Through the conquests of the Babylonians and Persians, the recipes for wheel bread began to spread throughout Europe and Asia.  However, the trend largely died off in Asia because rice proved too difficult to mold into the proper shape.  In Europe, however, the trend managed to catch on.  In fact, some historians believe that the Latin panem et circum does not indeed mean that the Roman government held the masses attention by giving them bread and circuses.  Rather, this slogan refers to "bread in the shape of a circle."  This treat was distributed during Colosseum events as it was much easier to hold and munch on while watching the gladiators rather than attempting to wolf down an entire loaf.  A recently discovered document penned by Plutarch indicates that during one particular event, the Emperor had to remind the people to remove the wheel bread from their thumbs before indicating whether the victorious gladiator should slay his defeated foe as he could not see whether the thumbs were up or down.

However, with the Fall of Rome, the recipes for wheel bread were lost, and a sad time of history began known as the Dark Ages began.  People tried to reinvent the recipe, but to no avail.  Still the bakers persevered, knowing that somehow, the knowledge must return.

Kringle

The Danish were the first to make some headway in the matter, but their "kringle," although properly filled with all varieties of nuts and fruits, proved to be shaped more like an oval and less like a circle (hence the reason for the name "kringle," which kind of looks like the word for "circle," but not really).  Nonetheless, they were proud of accomplishing something before anyone else.  Sadly, by this time, the Normans had managed to take England back from the Danes, or else it is quite possible that the English would have taken this particular pastry with them when they settled the New World.  As it was, the kringle didn't arrive in America until the nineteenth century, and even then, has since remained nearly confined to only a few communities, the leader of which is Racine, Wisconsin.

Plain bagel

Despite Denmark's satisfaction with creating something somewhat circle shaped, the rest of Europe remained unsatisfied and continued toiling to reinvent the wheel bread.  A major breakthrough in Poland resulted in the wheel bread finally being reborn.  No one is entirely sure what "bagel" means in Polish, but most linguists are fairly certain that everyone mispronounces is spectacularly due to the fact the average person doesn't take time to actually bother with Polish pronunciation, which isn't as scary as you think once you get past all the random consonants being smooshed together and the letters that don't sound like they do in English.  Some say it means, "We finally reinvented something and can go down in history as significant!"  However, immediately after declaring this, they were overrun by an invading army...again.  Because the Europeans for many years were seriously obsessed with invading Poland.  This time, the invasion was to steal the recipe of the bagel so every country could make their own bagels.  However, even after obtaining the recipe, the conquering armies decided to stick around and rule for a while because, hey, who doesn't like ruling another country?

With the recipe of the bagel spreading throughout Europe, new fruits were added, and some people even began to discover the tasty benefits of spreading other items, such as cream cheese and salmon, on top of this treat.  Of course, with this information proliferating throughout Europe, eventually, the treat made its way to the American colonies.  It first arrived in New York City, where bagels became the latest fashionable food, and have remained so since.

Pioneers

However, the bagel was about to take on a new form.  After the American Revolution, as part of developing their own culture, Americans had a tendency to desire everything sweeter, everything more fried in grease, everything made unhealthier it had ever been, and the same fate was about to happen to the bagel.  And in one little Dutch kitchen in the early 19th century, a woman did just that to keep her husband happy and so "deep fried bagels" were born and soon became a staple at county fairs throughout the growing new country.  The original spelling of this treat was "doughnut" because the Europeans thought the Americans must be "nuts" to make such a thing out of "dough."  Americans embraced the term and soon began advertising their pastry as such.  The term "donut" either developed as the pioneers moved west where spelling was not taught until schools were set up or because pioneer wives frequently had to remind their children, "Do not [which sounded like 'donut' to young ears] touch the hot grease."

Adoniram and Ann Judson

Donuts became a favorite of many famous American people.  Abraham Lincoln liked to eat a donut as he strolled to the War Department to read the latest telegrams.  Pony Express riders liked donuts because they could eat them while they rode at breakneck pace across the prairie delivering the mail.  Christian historians even seem to find evidence that Adoniram and Ann Judson made donuts for when the Burmese natives visited their house.  Wherever they went, Americans brought the recipe of the donuts with them, espousing the convenience and deliciousness of the treat.

Japanese 5 yen coin.

After World War II, servicemen returning from the Pacific brought back with them coins from the countries they had visited.  Since many of them had been to countries influenced by Japan, they picked up a lot of Japanese yen coins.  Back at this time, donuts cost only a nickel, and once serviceman who had a habit of carrying his Japanese coins around with him, would on occasion accidentally offer his local donut store a Japanese five yen coin, which has a hole in the middle.  Usually, upon realizing his mistake, he would return the coin to his pocket, and hand the shopkeeper an American nickel.  However, one day, he had no other coins on him, so he just offered up the excuse that donuts have holes in them too, and left the store quickly.  This particular event inspired "The Donut Song," which has many variations, one of which is transcribed here:
Oh, I walked around the corner, and I walked around the block,
And I walked right into a donut shop.
Well, I picked up a donut, and I liked off the grease,
And I handed the lady a five cent piece.
Well, she looked at the nickel, and she looked at me,
And she said, "This nickel is no good to me.
There's a hole in the middle, and it goes right through."
I said, "There's a hole in your donut too!
Thanks for the donut!"
"You bet!"

As stated above, for centuries, mankind had for centuries been discarding the middle of the donut to swine and dogs and other poor creatures of the earth.  However, one enterprising young businessman decided he could make a profit by selling these donut holes to people.  Despite some initial hesitation on the part of the consumers, the trend eventually caught on, and soon donut holes were just as popular as the donuts they came from.

So, next time you sit down for a donut (which, by the way, are free at Dunkin Donuts today with the purchase of any drink and probably completely free at some other establishments), remember all that the donut has gone through in its development and history, and know you are not just eating a pastry.  You are partaking of a long and illustrious tradition of culinary work, which men struggled for centuries to reinvent and to present to you.  It's more than a snack.  It's a legend!

Editor's Note:  Katrina has a tendency to occasionally completely make up things when she has no idea what she's talking about.  Please do not actually trust her on most of what she says in this article.  The only thing you can be certain of is that there are indeed free and cheap donuts floating around America today, so now would be a good time to go and buy one.  Or, you know, sometime today.  Seriously, go and eat a donut.  That's what today is for!

MASQUE

If you asked me, "What was the favorite play you attended all four years at Northland?" I'd stop and think, and then open my mouth to give an answer, and then I'd shake my head because, no, how can I say Twelfth Night was more amazing than Pride and Prejudice?  And, come on, who's to say The Matchmaker was any more epic than Much Ado About Nothing?  I mean, even the chick flick-style play Thy Morn Shall Rise had it's redeeming quality--namely, the people who played the two main characters got married in real life.

However, you ask me what the best thing that ever happened in my drama people-filled world in those four years, and I will answer you with one word:

MASQUE!

Masque is like finding out that the dining hall is serving both Cherry Yum Yum and that chocolate pudding-cakey stuff on the same night.  And it's taco night in the front.  With wing bar in the back.  And you got a fifteen point curve on that killer Systematic Theology III test over soteriology.  And you reached the "Free" hole on your Daily Grind card (Guam Bomb Frappe time!).  And you found out your project's due date is a week later than you thought.  If you take all the happiness of those events and combine them, you will come close to understanding how astounding MASQUE is.  Quite possibly the only things better are someone getting saved, the Rapture, Dr. Bennett's history classes, and getting engaged/married.  And putting Dr. Bennett's history classes above engaged/married is probably either a testament to how much of a history nerd I am or the fact that neither of those events have happened to me.

"So, what is MASQUE?  And why do you keep capitalizing it?"

Whistle=important

MASQUE, my dear reader, is only the best--no, awesomest (which my computer claims isn't a word, but I'm choosing to ignore that fact)--improv comedy group on the face of planet earth.  And I keep putting it in all caps because that's what they do, and who am I to argue with those people.  They'll probably just blow the whistle and deem it "inappropriate."

"So...what's improv comedy?"

Well, improv is short for "improvised" and comedy means you get to laugh.  Hysterically so.  I mean, if you go to MASQUE and don't laugh, you probably should go ask your parents if you're part Vulcan.  Because that is the only excuse I can think of for why someone would not enjoy this.

What?  Were you expecting a picture of Kirk in this post for some reason?

"So, what specifically is it that makes MASQUE amazing?"

I could type for two hours and still not sufficiently cover all I need to.  MASQUE is amazing because you have no idea what could happen.

Okay, for example, there's this one game that I can't remember what it's actually called because most of us just called it "Zub Zub" after the one word the actors were allowed to say.

Okay, so in this game, someone's committed a murder, and usually three people or so are asked to leave the room/building while the audience yells out suggestions for the LOCATION of the murder, the OCCUPATION of the murderer, and the WEAPON used.  Oh, and the only word you can use in the entire game is "ZUB!", although you do get to use all the actions you want and some sound effects.  So, we call in our first investigation person by yelling, "HELP HELP! THERE'S BEEN A HORRIBLE MURDER!" (If you don't have a good set of lungs, I suggest you invest in one before your first MASQUE.).  Our guy who actually knows stuff then first acts out the location until the guesser indicates he's understood.  They then move on to the occupation and finally the weapon before the guesser "kills" his predecessor and attempts to communicate what he has learned to the next person until everyone's had their turn.  Basically, it's Charades meets Telephone Meets Clue.

Confused?  Trust me, it makes sense when you watch it.  Actually, it doesn't.  Because the audience has more than likely suggest the location be a "ski lift" and the occupation be a "kangaroo tamer" and the weapon a "canoe paddle."

Actually, by simply saying "kangaroo tamer," any person who has attended MASQUE is now imagining how in the world that would be acted out.  I know I did when it popped into my head.  What's crazier is the fact that they'd actually be able to do it.  And actually communicate the concept of a "kangaroo tamer," which I think I invented.

So, yeah, if you can imagine utter craziness like the above mentioned game going on for a couple hours one or two evenings a semester, that is the awesomeness of MASQUE.  And I haven't even gotten started on the other games:  Substitution, Director, Shatner, Stop-Reverse, Hoo-Uh (I probably spelled that wrong) etc., etc., etc.

So, I guess I should get down to it and give my Top Five MASQUE Moments.  Now, sadly, I did not attend every single moment of every single MASQUE.  I had student teaching and work and spending time with visiting high schoolers that sadly occasionally took time away from MASQUE, so if I have left out your personal favorite, please type it in on the comments section below and submit it.  More than likely, my brain forgot something.

5.  The Time Schofie Had the Audience Simulate a Rainstorm using our hands and feet and some flashing lights.  That was just cool, and I wish we had a recording of it, especially since I had to close my eyes during the flashing lights so I wouldn't get a headache.  Still, being there, knowing I was helping make a cool sound was awesome.

4.  Smashing. Mailboxes. By. Nick. And. Bobby. During. A. Game. Of. Shatner. Which. Is. When. One. Person. Says. A. Word. And. Then. The. Next. Person. Says. The. Next. Word. And. If. You. Say. Two. Words. In. A. Row. You. Lose.  It. Is. Named. After. The. Way. William. Shatner. Talks. And. It. Basically. Ends. Up. Sounding. Like. The. Way. You. Are. Reading. This. Because. I. Took. All. The. Time. To. Put. A. Period. After. Each. Word. Which. Is. Very. Difficult. To. Remember. To. Do.  This. Game. Was. Particularly. Hilarious. Because. It. Was. So. Perfectly. Coordinated.

3.  AMERICA! during a game of Director, which is a game in which the actors do a scene, and then the Director stops them and has them do it again, but, instead of normally, they have to do it like they're ninjas or vacuum salesmen, or in the case above, rednecks.  I think they were originally acting out something to do with some sort of animal, like pigs or horses or something.  I really don't remember, but all I remember is that eventually, no matter what they were supposed to be doing, they just kept saying, "AMERICA!" after every sentence.  And I was dying laughing.

2.  Barney Kids in the BJU Fountain as performed by, I believe, Clayton and Joel, although if I got that wrong, feel free to correct me, and I'll change it.  This was another game of Director.  Josh let the audience choose the scene, and when someone yelled, "The BJU fountain!" it was an opportunity we couldn't let them miss.  So, they did it like normal BJU students, and then at one point, they were told to do it like they were Barney kids, which if you know these guys, they are the complete opposite of the kids on Barney.  And so, once again, I was dying laughing.

1.  "You put your left leg BACK!" by Nick and Riley in a game of Stop-Reverse.  Yep, I had to go classic for my top one.  Stop-Reverse is a game in which the actors act out a scene, but at random times, the director will blow his whistle and say "Stop.  Reverse!" or "Stop.  Forward!" (or was it "Stop.  Play!"?) and they'd have to act it all over again but backwards if he'd said "Reverse."  I think the situation they had to act out was "Drill Sergeant," and Nick was teaching Riley how to do push-ups, and the one line that Schofie made them do over and over was, "You put your left leg BACK!"  And there, on my very first night of MASQUE, I became convinced that this thing I was watching was the epitome of comedy, of humor, of everything acting-related I had ever seen in my life.

Basically, thanks guys, for the laughs.  You're awesome.

The Next Doctor

If you could see my mind at work, cleaning, it's this crazed thing that goes at about a million miles per hour.  It composes stories about my book characters and writes blog posts.  Seriously, if I could dictate my blogs while vacuuming, I'd be constantly posting.  I mean, there is SO MUCH I want to post about.

But, really, I mean, considering all that's happening, I think the best topic for me to post about right now is Doctor Who.

Eleven

In case you haven't heard, Matt Smith is leaving his role as the Eleventh Doctor after the Christmas special. So, of course, the Internet has exploded with it's suppositions on who the next Doctor will be, and their opinions on who it should be, and all that sort of good stuff.  Unless they tell us who it's going to be, for the next six and a half months, every Whovian will be posting who they believe the next actor to lead them through all of time and space should be.  So, here we go, my opinions on the Doctor Who change.

Ten

Nine

First of all, I don't want it to be someone from Harry Potter, especially not one of the main characters.  Yes, upon regenerating into Ten and Eleven, the Doctor whined about not being ginger, but just because he whined about that, does not mean it must be Rupert Grint (Ron Weasley).  My number one reason for this is because of the way the fandoms tend to connect roles played by actors and pretend that the characters are all one person.  I mean, if we already get stuff about how David Tennant played both Barty Crouch, Jr. and the Doctor, imagine how much worse it would be if someone who was in a larger role in more than one movie.  Yeah, PLEASE, don't use a main character  from Harry Potter.  I mean, if it was someone who was in one tiny scene or one film (I know Britain doesn't have a kajillion actors.), then I won't complain, but please don't use a main character.

Eight

Seven

Actually, you know, preferably, make it be someone who no one really knows.  That way he can seem like the Doctor to me, and not like another actor.  I mean, yes, Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston are amazing and all, but let's face it:  Bumpercrop Cabbagepatch is in Sherlock, and if that show goes on hiatus again, we will go (more) insane, and if Doctor Who has to go on hiatus because Hiddles is filming for Marvel, then the Whovians will probably just curl up into little balls on the couch and replicate everything the Sherlockians have been doing for the past year and a half or whatever.  Sometimes, I wonder how people survived the eighteen month Doctor Who hiatus of the 1980's.  Anyway, please, BBC, in the highly unlikely event you run into my blog, please choose someone who I'm not really aware exists.  I mean, yes, maybe it'll be someone who I've heard of--you know, maybe they played an elf in the background of The Lord of the Rings--but for all that's wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey, please don't choose anyone that a ton of people know.

Six

Five

I don't know what the ratio of opinions are on the Doctor regenerating into a girl for the first time to him remaining a guy, but I personally want him to remain as a guy.  I mean, yes, we live in a world nowadays where girls can do anything, and, yes, Time Lords can change their gender upon regenerating, but I want us to think for a minute.  How often does the whole girl-doing-adventures-without-a-man-at-her-side happen?  They'd have her pick up a male companion so they can continue the romance theme that's been going on since the days of the Eighth Doctor, and he'd still have to rescue her at times.  I mean, yes, the Doctor is occasionally rescued by his female companions, but rarely does a movie or TV show in which the girl is the action hero and the guy is just the follower actually work.  Even in Mulan, Captain Shang is just as brave as Mulan, and he does a lot of fighting too, right at her side.  To have a female Doctor with a male companion would seriously degrade the manliness of the companion, and since Doctor Who guy companions can typically kick butt anyway, it would just end up being like a time travel Mulan.

Four

Three

I want this Doctor to be older than Matt Smith.  I mean, having the Doctor look so young (Matt was twenty-seven when he took on the role.) has been great for one Doctor, but I want him to regenerate into someone older.  I'm not saying I want someone in their sixties.  Maybe someone in their forties--just someone more mature.  I loved the friendship Ten and Donna, and I think that (although no one can ever be exactly like Catherine Tate) I'd be totally on board with another companion who just want to be friends with the Doctor and travel.  No kissing, no romance--just the companion and the Doctor traveling through time and space, saving planets and races

Two

One

Finally, I want the next Doctor to be someone who's been a fan of the show.  David Tennant's enthusiasm and fanboy-ness will obviously never be equaled by anyone, but knowing that the person playing the Doctor has watched the show, and knows the original run and the current run and is a fan of the show would just make it so much better because you know this person loves playing the Doctor, knows about the Doctor's past, and wants the Doctor he plays to be an obvious continuation of the man he has always been because no matter who the Doctor is played by--no matter what he looks like--no matter what his personality is--he's still the same man.  He's still the madman who stole a time machine and ran away.  He's still lost so much and seen so much than we can ever imagine.  He's still fire and ice; he still burns at the center of time and feels the turn of the universe.  He's still what Daleks and Cyberman and Sontarans fear because of every black day he ever stopped them.  He's the Oncoming Storm, the Destroyer of Worlds.  No matter what, he is the Doctor.  And a true fan will know that and do that.