The Importance of Dolls

Jean Valjean gives Cosette the doll

“The doll is one of the most imperious needs and, at the same time, one of the most charming instincts of feminine childhood. To care for, to clothe, to deck, to dress, to undress, to redress, to teach, scold a little, to rock, to dandle, to lull to “sleep, to imagine that something is some one,—therein lies the whole woman's future. While dreaming and chattering, making tiny outfits, and baby clothes, while sewing little gowns, and corsages and bodices, the child grows into a young girl, the young girl into a big girl, the big girl into a woman. The first child is the continuation of the last doll.

A little girl without a doll is almost as unhappy, and quite as impossible, as a woman without children.”  (Victor Hugo, Les Miserables)

I'm reading through Les Miserables right now (The book so far is WAY better than the movie!), and I came across this quotation yesterday, and I must agree that it is completely true.  I have heard of girls who have little to no interest in dolls, but I was not one of them.  As long as I can remember, I have had a favorite doll.

I mean, I don't remember what my first favorite doll was.  My memory picks up somewhere with Alison.  I nthe picture above, she's the third Cabbage Patch Kid from the left.  If you struggle with left and right, she's the one with the word "third" below her.  Also, you should know that the Madeline doll next to her is the second Madeline doll I went through as a kid.  I kind of over-loved the first one, so she had to be replaced.  Anyway, my earliest doll memories include Alison; Amy (my Japanese doll); the first Madeline; Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy; and my Puffalump, whose name I've forgotten, so we'll just call her Baby, although I have a feeling Baby was someone else.  Actually several someone elses.  Also, I'm sure I had other dolls, but I can't remember them as well.

Super soft body; incredibly hard head in comparison

So, then I got Nicholas (labeled "second" in the above picture) when my first little brother was born.  And somewhere along the way for Christmas I got Get Well Baby, who may have had some other name, which I have also forgotten, who is not in the above picture because I think I had to get rid of her before we moved to Japan.  We kept her medicine and doctor stuff, though.  She was my favorite doll the week I had chicken pox.  Oh, and then Christmas of 1995, I got my last Cabbage Patch doll Nicole (labeled "first" above).

After we moved to Japan, I got Katelyn (a doll you could record voices on), Jocelyn, and one other doll who's name I've forgotten that was the type that peed when you put water in her, but my parents only let me do that once, which was probably a smart move.

I guess, in general, I just really, really liked dolls.  I mean, I haven't even gotten to the two dollhouses of my early childhood,

multiple Polly Pockets from back when they actually fit in your pocket,

 and Barbies that I didn't really play with a ton.

Ahem, anyway that is a really long picture introduction leading up to the ultimate level of my doll love.

My absolute favorite dolls were my American Girl dolls.  I got Molly when I was seven, and Kit when I was ten.

Molly and me

Kit

I mean, really, Kit and Molly were probably more important to me than all my other dolls.

The other dolls I used as Mr. Hugo described in his novel.  Or, rather, as a young child I played with dolls as if I were their mommy.  I fed them their bottles and changed their diapers.  I guess things changed after a while because I got lonely.  I didn't have a ton of friends after we moved to Japan.  I mean, I had a few, but none my age.  And then about a year and a half later is when I held Molly doll in my arms.  In first her and later Kit I found sisters.  Oh, yes, they were still dependent upon me for changing their clothes and such, but in this world there is a doll with long brown hair and gray eyes and another one with short blonde hair and blue eyes who received all the love a little girl who had no sisters and few friends could give.  In my imagination, they argued and agreed like sisters; they talked to me and listened to me when I would let no one else in.  These two dolls, although made of vinyl and plastic and cloth and whatever else, were my sisters when I had none, my confidants when I had no one else I wanted to tell stuff too.

Oh, during my Molly and Kit years, I picked up a few porcelain dolls, but Kirsten, Britta, Samantha, and Jolene (Yes, three out of four were named after American Girl characters.) never compared to my American Girl dolls.  I was absorbed into historical worlds that I still have no desire to escape.  My American Girl dolls are so much more than toys; they are my childhood.  They are what turned me from a child who knew little about the past of the world to one who loved history.  Yes, my dolls prepared me for motherhood as Victor Hugo prescribed, but through the company that sold me two dolls, I also bought dozens of books that taught me about my world both past and present.  Through a desire for a doll, I ended up gaining a desire to learn and, almost more importantly at the time of purchase, a friend.

So, in the end, a doll always has been and always will be more than a toy.  It is one of the most important items a girl can ever own.

The Problem With The Combined Fictional Worlds Map

Please tell me I'm not the only one who has a problem with the above map.  PLEASE assure me of this!  I mean, it's "Camp Half-Blood," not "Half-Blood Camp," Narnia doesn' have any of it's surrounding lands, Oz and Alagaesia are completely left out, etc., etc., etc.

Now, I can't draw worth a single Mushroom Kingdom coin, but I can go on the Internet, save a bunch of maps to my computer and put them all on a page on my blog so you can click right here and look at a bunch of different maps I've gathered together to help me prove the points I'm about to make here.

I'm not saying that maps such as these should be completely abandoned.  I think they're awesome ideas, but putting these countries in such close proximity is when everything falls apart.  I haven't read all the books/watched all the films and shows for all the fictional lands, but I think I know enough about a few to give us a good idea on what is wrong:

1.  Some lands are outright stated to be imaginary.  Such lands are "Terabithia," and although not pictured here, Mr. Rogers' "Neighborhood of Make Believe," and "The Hundred Acre Wood."  These lands could never be placed on any such map because they are only of the mind.  Yes, some people are going to pull out the Harry Potter quotation on me about how just because something's in your head doesn't make it any less real.  Still, I can't feel right about having places that aren't real even in their fictional world being placed on a map.

2.  Some places are completely left out.  Obviously, this is because the person who created the map doesn't have these places among their fandoms.  Just because something isn't one of your fandoms doesn't mean it should be left out.  I mean, I'm not part of the Harry Potter fandom or the Game of Thrones fandoms, but I still included those maps on the linked page so those who are in those fandoms can be satisfied.  So, what fictional lands did this cartographer of fiction not include?  Oz, Alagaesia (the Inheritance Cycle), the Mushroom Kingdom (Mario), Far Far Away/Dulac (Shrek), Andalasia (Enchanted), and probably some more that are escaping my my memory.

3.  The surrounding countries of several kingdoms are not included and countries are shaped incorrectly.  The two I can right out tell you are inaccurate are Westeros (as little as I know about it) and Narnia.  I mean, where's Essos?  Where are Archenland, Calormen, and the islands Prince Caspian sailed to aboard the Dawn Treader?  These are significant places to these series, yet on this map, they've just been dropped like they don't matter.  Also, some countries are just shaped wrongly.  They're either too big or just plain malformed.

4.  Some of these places are in our world.  Camp Half-Blood and Hogwarts are both hidden places that can only be located by those who belong to the classes of individuals allowed to attend (demigods or wizards), and Panem is North America in the future.  Furthermore, this map chose to include the famous training locations of demigods and wizards but left out Professor Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters--the training place for mutants.  Obviously, if we include that, then we have other places to worry about such as Stark Tower, Gotham City, Metropolis, etc., but we'll conquer that topic in a little bit.

5.  Narnia is on a flat world, while other countries are located on spherical worlds.  I think that says enough.  Narnia can in no way be part of the same world as anything that is on a globe.  Narnia is flat (The Voyage of the Dawn Treader).

As already stated, though, I believe maps like this are excellent ideas, but they need to be well thought out, not just patched together willy-nilly in a sort of "Ooh, I got a great idea, let's place all my fandoms in one gigantic map!" way.  How can this be repaired, though?

Simple.

A fictional world UNIVERSE map.

"Say what?"

Okay, I mean, let's just think of something, by desiring to place everything on one map, the cartographer has neglected the Star Trek, Star Wars, Stargate, Battlestar Galactica, Babylon 5, Firefly, Doctor Who, etc. fandoms.  The fictional world is a galaxy to explore!  Oh, that leads to my first point of how to improve this.

1.  Multiple planets.  By saying "planets," I'm also including the fact that Narnia is apparently some flat-like-a-map object floating out there in space.  I don't understand how this works; I just have to accept the fact that C.S. Lewis is a kajillion times smarter than me, which is something I accept extremely readily, and I haven't even read Mere Christianity yet (It's on my to do list!).  Also, let's not forget the fact that Neverland is also in space, "second to the right and straight on 'til morning."  Then there's all the planets that are in the above-mentioned fandoms.  I mean, really, it's extraordinary, and I'd love to be the person who managed to chart out all these fictional galaxies.

2.  Include a straight out map of our world.  On it, mark Star Fleet Academy, Camp Half-Blood and Camp Jupiter, 221B Baker Street, Cedric Diggory's house (where the rings to Narnia are buried), Hogwarts and the other wizarding schools, the rabbit hole to Wonderland, 17 Cherry Tree Lane, the locations of the Stargates on earth, Jurassic Park, Wonka's Chocolate Factory, Tortuga and the Isla de Muerta, all the cities and towns of the DC and Marvel universes, etc.  You have to remember that this is not our world exactly.  Trust me, we would have heard of some sort of crazy events going on, even if perception filters and the Mist kept us from seeing the truth.  Plus, let's not forget the fact that we'd definitely see newspaper articles about the stuff the Winchester brothers of Supernatural are up to.  So, this is an alternate earth in an alternate universe--just one of the multiple planets that will be drawn on the gigantic map above.  On this alternate earth, as will be noted on the map, North America eventually becomes Panem, home of The Hunger Games.  Based on the technology of Panem, it happened sometime after the last recorded events of Star Trek and Firefly.  In Serenity, the voiceover states that Earth-That-Was got too crowded, although I imagine enough people were left on it when Panem formed to still have such competitions.  This alternate world can also be justified by the existence of all the Presidents and Prime Ministers that never existed in our world.

3.  The Isle of Sodor is in another universe completely from the above universe.  Here's my theory, disturbing as it is:  In one universe, vehicles began to become sentient beings.At the time of the events of Thomas the Tank Engine, everything was fine and good, because they still needed the humans to control them.  However, as time progressed and the self-driving car was invented/evolved, the vehicles no longer needed the humans and took over the planet somehow, allowing for a world like Pixar's Cars where there are many vehicles, all talking and apparently reproducing, but no humans driving them.  There's your extremely disturbing thought of the day, and yet more evidence I have been watching Pixar far beyond the age I should be.

4.  Portals between this world and our world could exist.  This is, of course, assuming events like that of Narnia did indeed happen in our world.  The easiest way to get to this world is to find the yellow and green ring Digory Kirk's Uncle Andrew invented, and jump into the ponds in the world between worlds until we found our desired world.  Other methods are a bit harder.  Obviously, the average tornado is destructive, but in The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy happens to get picked up in one that has either a) also picked up a portal to another world (This one happening to be Oz.) or b) is a portal to another world.  The rabbit hole that Alice falls down is also another such portal, and is probably the exact same sort of portal that the characters in Enchanted use to get between Andalasia and Times Square, even though that particular one is a manhole.  Both, nonetheless, are portals to another world where things do not work exactly like here.

5.  An explanation of why some lands have talking animals and some don't.  First of all, Alternate Earth is extremely similar to ours.  It merely contains people and a few places that don't exist in our world.  These lands where animals can talk are quite like Narnia.  I imagine there's some sort of planet in this alternate universe where animals can talk.  I'd imagine that this particular planet is some sort of fairy tale planet.  Not all the princes and princesses we know are alive at once.  Rather, somehow our world got delivered the important stories of the histories of various royal kingdoms on this planet.  In some lands, the animals can talk, and in others they can't.  An alternate explanation could be that over time, the animals on Alternate Earth lost the ability to speak, just as Narnian animals can lose their ability to speak, however as the history of Alternate Earth includes characters such as King Arthur and Robin Hood who can't speak to animals, this explanation is highly unlikely.

Obviously, this blog post has all been in good fun, as I don't actually believe in alternate universes (Sorry!), and I know fiction is just fiction.  It's all just stories that we use to keep ourselves entertained.  But, you know what?  That's okay.  We all need that bit of fun in which we imagine what the world would be like if things weren't the way they are.  Some may condemn fantasy as wrong, but I enjoy it becuse I understand that it's all pretend; it's not real.  Still, imagine if this were real:  I think we would all immediately start running around trying to find portals to this alternate universe.

But would you really want to go?  It's dangerous.  Unless you've got the Doctor (Well, this universe's Doctor, which is the Doctor we watch on TV.) to jiggery-pokery your phone, you can't call home.  Your way back could get cut off.  You might have to live out the rest of your life without electricity or any of the comforts you've known.  Would you really want to possibly pay that price?  Maybe you would, but I think some worlds are better left in our imaginations where we can escape back to reality.  After all, reality should be where we live, and fiction should be where we visit because when we live our lives the other way around, that is when things become dangerous because we lose touch with what's real.

As a Christian, I've been called to live a life for God, not for my fandoms.  Although I believe that literature is wonderful and fun, II Corinthians 10:5 says that I am to be "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ."  If I ever let the fictional world become more important than God--even C.S. Lewis's beautiful world of Narnia that alludes to Christianity--then my priorities are wrong, and I need to turn my focus back to Him.  This is true whether it is fantasy literature or shopping or Facebook or music or whatever.  And I am saying this knowing that I fail.  My mind wanders during prayer more often than I should, and instead of talking to God, I find myself thinking about my writing or what I want to happen in life or even checking Facebook and Pinterest.  My priorities can be seriously messed up sometimes.  So, if you're a Christian, before you start your next TV show marathon or pick up a novel, think about if you've spent any time with God yet today.  He is more important than whatever you are about to do.  I know this is not the topic I started with up top, but it came to my heart as I was wrapping up, and I felt that it was important to end with this:  that the Bible is better than any fantasy novel you will ever read and your relationship with God is more important than your favorite couple getting together.

World War II Reenactment Camp

Molly-ception

So, today, I finally got to check something off my bucket list.  Although I'm mainly a Civil War history nerd, I am also definitely a World War II history person.  I'm not as far gone into this, mainly because Civil War was what held my attention during college, but World War II is my first history love.  I fell in love with it thanks to my American Girl doll Molly back when I was seven years old, and I have not regretted falling in love with it since.  It handles my love of the Civil War just fine and knows it always hold a special place in my nerdy history heart.

Anyway, today I woke up and just could not sit still for some reason.  Like, really, I tried to sit down at the computer and work on the lesson for the Sunday school lesson I'm subbing for tomorrow, but my whole body was like, "Um...no," and I was more fidgety than Sherlock before going off to solve the case of the Hound of the Baskerville in the current BBC remake.

So, I finally decided that in order to burn my energy, I would go and buy a wedding gift for my friends' wedding in a couple weeks.  So off to Target I went in my penguin shirt that I almost never wear in public unless I forget I have it on and run off to the store.  When I was almost there, I remembered, "Oh yeah, today's the day I was going to go to the Civil War Reenactment Camp they've got set up near my house today!"  So I bought the gift and then headed straight over there, not even wanting to stop at my apartment and change into something else because IT'S HISTORY STUFF!!!  HISTORY!!!!!  (I may have a few obsession issues in this area.)

Yeah, so I get there (Oh, and I should also mention I'm in sandals, which I normally don't want to wear to this type of stuff because of the walking, but fortunately there wasn't too much walking), and it's like, "Where do I go first?  What do I do?  I LOVE HISTORY!"

So, basically, here's a summary of what I did:

German Camp

British Camp

Doctor Who References

Machine Gunners at American Camp

Free Food at USO Barn

Replica 101st Airborne Stables

Replica Pacific Barracks

Americans Capturing Germans

Soviet Tent

Germans Capturing Americans

 And then I had to go home and eat supper and call my dad for Father's Day because it was tomorrow already in Japan.  Then I got myself all prettied up...

....right down to my shoes...

...and went to the WWII USO-style dance, where I enjoyed the music and turned down the two reenactors who asked me to dance.

They also had a couple games to play, which I ended up participating in both because they were having a hard time finding volunteers (just like college).  The first game was musical chairs, and you could always jump back in after you got out, but after nearly sitting in a reenactor's lap once, I was done.

Also, I bought a cool hat:

So, basically, I got to talk with a bunch of cool reenactors (How do I know they were cool?  Because they're reenactors.  Yes, I know that's circular reasoning.  Deal with it.).  Especially the Soviet reenactor was really cool.  I mean, there aren't a ton of Americans lining up to be Soviet reenactors apparently, and then during the USO event, he got constantly teased by the American reenactors and the German reenactors.  Plus, he knew so much.  I was there the same time as this dad and kid, and they were Serbian (but no accent), and they asked a lot of good questions (and the kid, who was probably somewhere between seven and nine, knew a ton of stuff himself), so I got to spend a lot of time just standing there listening.

I also came partway into a reenactor talking about the 101st Airborne, who are pretty fascinating (even if you haven't watched Band of Brothers to give you a frame of reference; which I have seen that miniseries, and I basically would recommend it).

But, yeah, it's just a fascinating story, and to hear someone tell the real story after I'd seen the miniseries last year was SO COOL!  Like, standing there sometimes with my mouth just hanging open cool (Those who've sat near me in a history class know this expression.  It's the one where I've just been overwhelmed by the sheer awesomeness of what I'm being taught.)

Also, there was this lady who talked about the home front during the War, and she was one of those types who encourages you to keep passing on the stories of the past because they need to be.  That's why we have reenactments.  We don't want to lose our past, our history.  Be it good or bad, our history has made our world what it is today.  The seemingly smallest actions can have the most far-reaching consequences.  Our world today cannot be properly understood without understanding the history of what has shaped and formed the relationships among peoples and nations.  Yet, somehow, we choose to forget our history, either because our history teacher was boring, or the whole subject seemed irrelevant.  My dear reader, history is not irrelevant.  Without history, you would not be here.  (Think about that.  It's not as profound as it sounds.)  As my favorite history teacher often quoted, "History doesn't repeat itself, but it does often rhyme," and only by learning from history can we prevent some of the most terrible rhymes from happening again.  World War II is full of events we hope are never rhymed, yet if we forget what happened 70 years ago, terrible things will come again.  So take advantage of a historical event or a museum near you; go and learn something about history.  You might be surprised how fascinating the subject is.  It's full of things you couldn't invent if you wanted to, and you will forever be learning something new.

Oh No, I'm Having Missionary Kids Over!

Yeah, sorry this continuation took me a bit to get to.  I just really, really wanted to blog about Oreos.  Anyway, we can now move on to the promised post on what to do when you have missionary kids visit your house.  I kind of have a bit of experience in this one too.  I've been the missionary kid, and we've had missionary kids over.  Obviously, having missionary kids over is a bit different from just having the adults.  You'd think this would be obvious, but to some people, it really isn't.  Call it inexperience or ignorance, but we're not just living dolls who can sit for three hours while the adults gab on and on.  So, if you want to be "cool" in the eyes of the missionary kid, read this blog.

Before the Missionaries Come
1.  Consider whether having missionary kids in your home is a good idea.  My mom tells a story of when I was just learning to walk, we were put up with a lady who had all sorts of breakable stuff around the house.  She was very proud of her collection, but Mom was scared.  You see, I'm one of those kids who kind of skipped the crawling thing, which scientifically means you will spend the rest of your life clumsy and tripping over stuff.  Plus, there's the fact that little kids just run all around and bump into stuff and reach for stuff anyway, even if they've not been cursed with clumsiness.  So, if you have an awesome china collection, having small missionary kids in your house might not be a good idea.  I'd
say house missionary parents with the smallest of babies or missionary parents with teenagers who probably do not have bouncy balls as the toy they bring with them/win in Sunday school for being a visitor.
2.   Check the ages of the missionary kids.  I covered how to do this in a previous blog post, but let me review.  Check the prayer card and re-age kids based on either a) information found the prayer letter or b) the last time they were in the States.  Doing this is very important.  The average preteen/teenage missionary kid does not want to play with your three-year-old grandson's stuffed animals and toy train set.  Also, see if your kids or grandkids are around their age.  Invite the grandkids over for the evening/afternoon.  I may be shy, but I want friends--even one-day friends.  And, please, let me sleep in your daughter's room if she's within a year or two of my age.  I have to spend all my hotel weekends in the same room as my brothers and parents.  I have to live with them.  I know it's just sleeping, but talking goes on before the sleeping, so have your kids with a similar age/gender to the missionary kid clear a spot on the floor to sleep.  I don't mind the sleeping bag as long as I get to be with someone my age.
3.  Have age-appropriate "stuff" ready for the missionary kids.  You don't know what they like, that's true.  However, here's a brief list to give you an idea of what to have available:  a variety of board games (check to make sure there aren't any missing pieces), books, toys (up until about age 10 or 11), "art" supplies (even if it's just handing them crayons/a pen/a pencil/colored pencils/markers and paper), and DVDs/videos.  This way, the kids can keep themselves entertained while the grownups chat.  Maybe they did bring their own toys, but if you're just having the MKs for the afternoon, their toys might have been left at the hotel/house, or if you are having them overnight, kids just love to play with toys that aren't theirs.  I speak from experience.

When the Missionaries Arrive
No matter if you have kids or not:
1.  Ask about bedtime/nap time.  You don't want cranky missionary kids in tomorrow's/tonight's service.  You know how you don't want the missionary to go fifteen minutes over when he preaches tomorrow?  The missionaries don't want their kids to go to bed an hour later simply because you were chatting and didn't give them a chance to put little Sarah and Caleb down on time.
2.  Let the missionary parents be the kids of the parents.  If the parents say no, don't you go trying to override it, no matter how much your child is questioning the missionaries' decision.  And if the MK needs to go be punished, let the parents punish the child in whatever way they see fit.  It is their child; let them raise it, even if you don't agree.
3.  Notice the MK!  We're people too!  Maybe I'm not an adult with all the answers and stuff, but you can talk to me.  And when I answer question about what I like to do, don't just shrug it off and leave it at that.  Ask me more about it.  People love to talk about themselves, and MKs are no different.  If you treat me like I'm invisible, my brain will selectively forget you ever existed, and I will not remember you next time I come around unless something exciting starts happening.

If you have kids (especially those around the age of one or more of the MKs):
1.  Introduce your kids to the missionary kids as soon as possible, and let things take their course.  Don't force a friendship!  I cannot emphasize this enough.  Sometimes, certain people just aren't cut out to be best friends right away.  If I don't "take" to your kids, just remember that not everyone is friends with everyone.  It may take a while to find some common ground, and if you've told your kids they can't mention any movies/books/bands/video games around me because I'm the missionary kid (with sparkles and emphasis abounding), we're going to take a while to find some common ground.  Hey, maybe we'll hit it off in thirty seconds--awesome!  But then there's the times where we finally hit it off an hour before leaving for church the next morning.  Our parents are trying to get us into ties and dresses and church shoes, and we've finally found a friend, and all we want to do is run around playing Hide and Seek.  Oh, you're going to be wondering, "Why this is happening; why couldn't they be getting on like this on Saturday at two o'clock?"  Well, ma'am, we were still trying to figure each other out on Saturday at two o'clock.

2.  Let the kids go off on their own and do their thing together.  If you need me,  I'll be out in the woods in a tree house with Nate or upstairs playing kitchen with Lily or in the basement playing video games with Trevor or getting my hair done in the Emma's bedroom.  Don't keep the MKs captive in the living room simply because they're "important guests."  They are still kids/teenagers, and they want to go do stuff.  So, just like when your kids have their friends over, go let them do stuff with your kids.  Entering your child's bedroom often gives me enough information to form a friendship.  American Girl doll?  Oh yeah, we are now officially friends for life even if I never see you again.  Hot Wheels and a track?  Oh, you have just probably engaged some MK boys and your son for a long time.  You said you had a tree house?  Well, blast this stupid skirt I have to wear to not "offend" anyone, I'm climbing in it.
3.  If your child seems to be getting along particularly well with a certain MK, sit them together at meals/room them together (if same gender), etc.  Encourage your kids to spend time with the MKs.  They are having their world opened.  Even if I don't say a word about Japan, your son or daughter is learning that MKs are more than distant holy people who've lived in another country (Oh, I should just make a whole post about MK/missionary stereotypes!).  Don't make your kid go do a chore and leave the MK just sitting.  I mean, obviously if the trash needs to be taken out, that's a two minute task, I can wait.  But, if they've got to go do the dishes, in the words of Pavel Chekov, "I can do zat!"  I would rather do dishes than sit around in the living room because I'm a special guest.

4.  If the MK never ends up clicking with your kids, don't feel like you were the worst host ever.  I say this because I can be very antisocial at times.  Maybe I'm not feeling well.  Maybe I just want to read and not talk to people.  Maybe your kid (and you're going to hate hearing this) is boring.  All they talk about is piano lessons and home school and their talents.  Or all they want to do is for me to talk about Japan.  I don't always feel like talking about Japan.  Here, let me broaden your world by talking about Baby-Sitters Club instead.  I'm sorry your child and I were incompatible in the twenty-four hours we knew each other.  It just doesn't work with everyone.

If you don't have kids at home (or your kids aren't close in age to the MKs):
1.  Leave us to our own devices.  I will sit and "fellowship" for a while, but I can only do this for so long.  So, if you see the MK over in a corner reading a book or playing on their handheld gaming device or texting, just let it go.  You're not their parent, and you're having an adult conversation, and the MK just wants to go and be a teen/kid for a while.  If you offer me an activity and I decline, just roll with it.  Believe it or not, the reason I'm reading my book here is because I read all five of your three-year-old grandson's books last night while I was staying in "his room."  Yep, even that one with the one word on each page with a picture.  Yeah, so thanks for that.  I'm just going to go read now.  Or play games.  If you say anything interesting, I'll start socializing again.

2.  Offer us actual fun stuff to do.  Old people with no kids left at home and young couples with infants/toddlers are possibly the worst offenders.  Old people like to give MKs games with missing pieces to play and offer MKs toys that they're way too old for.  Yes, it's the thought that counts, but try playing Battleship with the Destroyer missing, and get back to me on that cliche.  Young couples expect preteen and teenage missionary kids to spend time with their toddler/infant playing little kid stuff like they're still that age.  I mean, yes, I love little kids (Elementary Education major), but the fact you seem to assume that a ten-year-old likes playing the same toys as a two-year-old and on the same level, is kind of a wrong assumption.
3.  Old couples,  kids nowadays aren't like kids yesterday.  Please get used to it.  I mean, yes, at the core things are still the same, but I can indeed still listen to your conversation while occasionally shooting off a text to someone not there.  The world is changing.  Please don't think I'm being terribly rude or anything.  The laws of social interaction are changing.  Believe it or not, that text could be flying to Europe.  Yeah, you're shocked, I know.  But please stop saying it every twenty minutes how amazed you are that I just texted someone in another country!  We all know your minds are blown.  You don't need to remind us.

So there you have it, a good idea of what you should need to know before ever letting missionary kids in your house.  I can't promise everything will be sunshine and roses from here on out whenever they come over (It won't be.), but maybe you can rest assured that you have done everything you can do to make sure you are awesome, cool, and remembered.  Because few things are more awkward for the both of us than when you come to me in four years and say, "Hey, remember when you came to my house, and you were this high, and you slept in my grandson's bedroom?" and I don't remember.  (Also, can you start saying "this tall," instead of "this high"?  "This high" kind of could be taken two ways.)


FINAL BONUS THAT APPLIES TO ALL VISITING MISSIONARIES WHETHER THEY HAVE KIDS OR NOT!

Offer us your WiFi if you have it.  Or let us borrow your computer.  We have emails to send and receive; foreign news to catch up on; Facebook to check!  We want to stay in touch with the world, and your house is a far more convenient place to do it than in the parking lot of Starbucks.

I'm Silently Judging Your Oreo Choice

You know, it's kind of incredible Oreo lasted so long.  I mean, Nabisco released it to the public the same time it released nursery rhyme crackers (like animal crackers but shaped like nursery rhyme characters).  I mean, come on, everyone knows when you slap the face of something everyone loves on a box, anyone will buy it.  Somehow, that didn't work for them.  Instead, for the past 101 years, Nabisco have been the proud makers of Oreos.  Once America's Favorite Cookie, it has since been demoted to Milk's Favorite Cookie (although I don't know who in the world can speak Milk).

WHAT is YOUR FAVorite COOkie?

Yeah, anyway, Oreo means "gold," which they basically are.  Edible cookie and cream gold.  I would say chocolate and cream gold, but there's a lot more types of Oreos than the basic type.  Walk into your local Wal-Mart, and you should be able to find about half an aisle dedicated to Oreo products.

And, you know, you can tell a lot about someone based on the Oreos they're buying (Okay, not really, but let's pretend you actually can.).  I mean, yes, there's already the Oreo Personality Quiz, but that's based on how you eat the Oreos.  This Oreo Personality Test is based on the type of Oreos you prefer to buy in the store.

Oreo You’re boring; you’ve never looked at the other Oreo options available	Reduced Fat Oreo You’re on a diet/health food kick but can’t give up Oreos	Double Stuf Oreo You love cream, and regular Oreos don’t have enough flavor for you
Chocolate Oreo You really, really love chocolate	Golden Oreo You’re either allergic to or don’t like chocolate or are intensely in love with bland flavors	Golden Double Stuf Oreo You like your blandness with some extra cream
Golden Chocolate Oreo You’re a little crazy and like things upside down at times	Double Stuf Oreo Heads or Tails You’re going around flipping Oreos like they’re coins	Cool Mint Oreo You love the taste of toothpaste mixed with chocolate
Peanut Butter Oreo Your Oreo choice was influenced by the Lindsey Lohan version of The Parent Trap	Berry Burst Ice Cream Oreo You liked the idea of berry ice cream in Oreo, which isn’t as good as it sounds	Spring Oreo Either your kids are getting Oreos for Easter or you thought this was lemon flavored
Halloween Oreo Either you’re handing out Oreos for Halloween or you wanted orange Oreos	Winter Oreo You’ve given up on Christmas cookie baking for a while	Football Oreo You’re bringing Oreos to the Super Bowl Party
Triple Double Oreo You have discovered the height of the Oreo eating experience	Neapolitan Triple Double Oreo You think this will be the next level in Triple Double-awesomeness, but it isn’t	Birthday Cake Oreo You’re celebrating Oreo’s 100th birthday from 2012 in style
Birthday Cake Golden Oreo You’re celebrating Oreo’s 100th birthday from 2012 in style…but more blandly	Great Value Twist & Shout Sandwich Cookies You’re being cheap about your snack foods and will never know the awesomeness of the other flavors	Deep Fried Oreo You threw all health concern to the wind a long time ago

"But wait!  You forgot the Fudge Creams!"
Yeah, I know, but I've never actually eaten those.  Let's just say if I see you buying Oreo Fudge Creams, I consider you to be buying another type of cookie that happens to be made under the name of Oreo to increase sales.

So, there you go, my lineup of how I will judge you based on the Oreos in your cart at Walmart.